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Tag Archives: Mitt Romney

Willard of Oz

Mr. Romney took a journey on the road of yellow brick. He said to Oz the Powerful, “I need a favor, quick! As a seasoned politician, I can do the song and dance, but the voters never trust me, ’cause I haven’t got a stance! “I’ve flipped and flopped on health care. Global warming! Gun [...]

The Debate In Brief

R. Bring back jobs? I know how! O. Notice how I’m feisty now? R. Hey, I’ve got a five-point plan! O. Just ONE point, and I’m no fan. R. Oil production dropped. O. It grew! R. Did not! O. Did too! R. Did not! O. Did too! R. Numbers all add up. O. Since when? [...]

Herding Cats

Alas for Mr. Lehrer! Moderating was a terror! His attempts to curb the candidates were very seldom heard. They’d meander and delay, Adding “I’d just like to say,” Or a little more aggressively, “I get the final word!” With the questions open-ended, They were cocky and long-winded. He would try to keep them focused, but [...]

Free Debate Advice

For presidential also-rans, advising is in vogue. While one says, “Be your charming self,” another says, “Go rogue!” “Take on the toughest issues, but with humor, sass and pith.” “Proclaim your constant faith in God, but not in Joseph Smith!” To weigh so many varied tips, You’ve got to be astute. Would you rather flop [...]

Mr. Fix-It

When the votes are all counted and I’ve become boss, I’ll govern with wisdom and brains. I’ll scrap aviation’s absurd regulations And roll down the windows on planes! The eggheads and liberals pooh-pooh my plan. They say it’s not “prudent” or “bright.” But folks, I’m no stranger to that sort of danger, And that’s why [...]

Digging Deeper

What’s happening, Mitt? Are you playing for laughs? Are you bent on outdoing Joe Biden in gaffes? You bungled on Libya, wouldn’t repent, Then insulted a full forty-seven percent! And just as your handlers thanked God you were through, You added a dig at the Mexicans too! You want some advice? You can still make [...]

Mitt and Clint

Said Romney to Eastwood, “That stunt was a blunder. You’ve hogged up the spotlight and stolen my thunder! The headlines are yours, and I’m kicked to the curb. Now everyone’s “Eastwooding!” Jeez, it’s a verb! That’s all they remember. It just isn’t fair. Oh, save your apologies. Talk to the chair!”

The Speech In Brief

I accept your nomination, Humbled by your approbation! Here’s Paul Ryan.  He’s the bomb. Super fella.  Loves his mom! Last election: “Change and hope.” Four years later: Better?  Nope! I’m a plain midwestern guy, Raised on good ol’ apple pie. Were we optimists?  Darn straight! Wasn’t that Neil Armstrong great? Father came from Mexico. Built [...]