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The Game from Hell

I sullenly observe my rack
With seven vowels staring back.
I try an often-used Hail Mary,
Hooking onto R for AERIE.
I peek, then wince at what I drew:
A lowly I and U-U-U!
Exchanging tiles (You’d think I’d learn!)
I get this torture in return:
A Bingo, but I’m pained to say it,
Not a single place to play it!
I must conclude there are no odds,
But only evil Scrabble gods!

 

Hot Fitness Trend

In the far northeastern states,
Some are fond of lifting weights,
While a few prefer aerobics when they train.
But for hardy exercising
That’ll get their heart rates rising,
Well, they really love their Zumba up in Maine!

They never train alone,
And they often grunt and groan,
Though they seem to get their gain with little pain.
They do rapid repetitions
In a host of strange positions.
Yes, they really love their Zumba up in Maine!

They repeatedly return,
For they love to feel the burn!
And they’ll gladly risk a Charley horse or sprain.
With minimal persuasion,
They will rise to the occasion,
For they really love their Zumba up in Maine!

 

Share This, Or You’re a Murderer!

Facebook Friends, I read somewhere
About a girl who needs a prayer.
She drank some water off in Spain,
And now there’s cancer in her brain.
She then contracted beriberi,
Then Ebola (very scary!),
West Nile virus, whooping cough,
And after that, her butt fell off!
Her pustules smell like rotten egg.
She suffers gout and restless leg.
She’s verging on a heart attack.
They say she may bring smallpox back!
So send your prayers. You must come through,
Or else her death is all on you!
Please share with all the friends you’ve got.
Ninety-eight percent will not!

 

The Debate In Brief

R. Bring back jobs? I know how!
O. Notice how I’m feisty now?

R. Hey, I’ve got a five-point plan!
O. Just ONE point, and I’m no fan.

R. Oil production dropped.
O. It grew!
R. Did not!
O. Did too!
R. Did not!
O. Did too!

R. Numbers all add up.
O. Since when?
R. Here’s my five-point plan again!

O. Need more women in the mix.
R. I’ve had binders full of chicks!

O. I like legal immigration.
R. I support self-deportation.

O. Want Bush back? Mitt’s your man!
R. Dubya had no five-point plan!

R. He never said, “an act of terror.”
O. Just ask Candy, you’re in error!
R. Didn’t say it, no siree!
O. Did too!
R. Did not! Infinity!

O. Folks need work, gobs and gobs!
R. Government does not make jobs!

R. I love you all! Can’t you see?
O. He said you’re bums, so vote for me!

 

Small Dreams

I want to be a wannabe.
For that I’m up to par.
I’ve made my goals attainable
By lowering the bar.
I’ll call myself a cowboy
‘Cause I’ve got a dandy hat.
I may not be a surgeon,
But I’m great at yelling, “Stat!”
I’m gonna be a wannabe,
I’m certain that I can.
And maybe with a little luck,
I’ll be an also-ran!

 

Free Fall

Leap from a pod at the border of space?
Plunge back to Earth at a dizzying pace?
Recover control after tumbling around,
Then shatter Mach 1 to go faster than sound?
Survive by diminishing gravity’s pull
On a chute and a prayer and a shot of Red Bull?
A daredevil does what a daredevil’s got to.
Yeah, I could do that, but I simply choose not to.

 

American Heroes

All hail the noble brothers Koch!
They’ve really got our backs!
They’ve vowed to save the nation
with their super-duper PACs!
They’ll buy the best attack ads
at a billion bucks a minute.
If the Dems are reelected,
then they’ll buy the House and Senate!
For America and Liberty,
they’ll now expand their reach.
And we’ll hear their voices loud and clear,
since money equals speech!

 

Vocabulary Fail!

An odd little error I lately caught sight of
Was use of “in lieu of” in lieu of “in light of.”
I cringed as the dissonance rattled my head.
Would we now use “in light of” in lieu of “instead?”
But whether we’re authors of cookbooks or fiction,
We all have occasional lapses in diction.
Have I used “in lieu of” in lieu of “in light of?”
I like to think not, but I fear that I might’ve!

 

Great Debate

Biden and Ryan, your zingers were flyin’.
You kept us all riveted, round after round.
The smirking was snarky. “You’re full of malarkey!”
“You’re under duress to make up for lost ground!”
“Cut taxes? And how!” “Oh, you’re Kennedy now?”
You bickered and jockeyed to get the last word.
You’ve each got a vision. I’ve made my decision.
Next month I’ll be casting my vote for Big Bird.

 

Signifying Nothing

The political muse has been known to infuse
me with verses both sharp and satirical.
When conditions are right, I can scale a new height
and my doggerel borders on lyrical.
When I’m feeling ambitious, my brain gets malicious
and sets me more modest parameters.
So there’s nothing to do but to open a brew
and compose anapestic heptameters.