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Halloween Limerick No. 6

A crazy old hippie named Dave
Caused alarm with the way he’d behave.
He could often be found
In a box underground,
Saying, “Hey, man, I’m diggin’ this grave!”

 

Halloween Limerick No. 5

The surgeon said, “Let’s have some fun.
My brilliance is second to none!
My amazing technique
Will improve your physique,
For two heads are better than one!”

 

Halloween Limerick No. 4

The unfortunate Mortimer Ridge
Took a fall from the Golden Gate Bridge.
By the terms of his will,
He remains with us still,
For his head is preserved in the fridge.

 

Halloween Limerick No. 3

An evil magician named Binns
Did away with his lover for grins.
When the cops came around,
The sole weapon they found
Was a doll full of needles and pins.

 

Halloween Limerick No. 2

An eccentric old fellow named Fred
Would exhume the remains of the dead.
“It’s disgusting,” he’d say,
“But I can’t disobey
All the voices that shout in my head.”

 

Halloween Limerick No. 1

A nerdy young zombie named Baines,
On a date with a girl from Des Plaines,
Said, “I don’t give a hoot
If you’re ugly or cute,
But I do like a woman with brains!”

 

Well, That Was Quick!

Progress marches on and on.
What’s here today is swiftly gone.
The Model T has seen its day,
And VHS is now passé.
Each day the pace is faster still.
If something hasn’t changed, it will!
I blinked my eyes. I missed a beat.
And now my iPad’s obsolete.

 

The Debate In Brief

R. I can make our nation strong.
O. Everything you say is wrong!
R. Attacking me gets nothing done.
O. Wrong again! (Besides, it’s fun.)
R. I’ll restore our fortunes fast!
O. With policies from decades past?
R. Chaos in the Middle East!
O. Well, bin Laden’s gone at least!
R. Can’t just kill our whole way out.
O. It’s our cred that gives us clout!
R. Fewer ships in Navy’s forces.
O. How ’bout bayonets and horses?
R. Israel’s our bestest friend!
O. I’ll stand by it till the end!
R. Why’d you go apologize?
O. Wow, nice whopper! Want some fries?
R. I love teachers, yes I do!
O. I love teachers more than you!
R. I can fix it. Vote for me!
O. Give me four more years, you’ll see!

 

Liquid Lit

The Book Club members gather
and refreshments start to flow.
They serve a fruity Chardonnay,
a Riesling and Merlot.
They compare their Francis Coppola
with cheaper Two Buck Chuck.
They reminisce on younger days
when people drank Cold Duck.
Of course I can’t be certain,
but to judge from how it looks,
if they changed the name to Wine Club,
then perhaps they’d read some books.

 

Weak Day

Sunday is dreary, a pain and a chore.
Our heads are all fogged from the evening before.
The work week is looming, which makes us feel blue.
The bathroom needs cleaning. There’s laundry to do.
We glumly accept that the weekend has flown.
And this is the day the Lord chose for His own?