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A Holiday Sing-Along

(With apologies to Perry Como)

Oh, there’s no place like home for the holidays
Where you’re never self-conscious, never shy.
You can watch cheesy movies in an eggnog haze.
If you’re gassy, you can freely let one fly!

I met a man who loved his Lucky Strikes
But he was headin’ for
Dismal places where his smokes were not allowed.
You see, his brother’s wife had quit
And couldn’t stand them anymore.
From L.A. to old Kentucky,
Gee, the in-laws’ house is sucky!

Oh, there’s no place like home for the holidays
Where you don’t have to bathe or comb your hair.
You can bask in the comfort of the Yule log’s blaze
While you’re hanging in your ratty underwear.

Grab some fudge, down a hunk,
While you scratch your itchy junk,
Hunker down for an enormous winter’s nap.
Pile the dishes in the sink,
Kick your shoes off, let ‘em stink!
At home no one gives a crap!

I met a man who loved his T-bone steaks,
But he was off to see
Vegan cousins, tofu eaters to the core.
His mood was anything but jolly
As he grumbled bitterly,
“When I taste their weird creations,
I could murder my relations!”

Oh, there’s no place like home for the holidays
Chuggin’ brewskis and belching up the foam.
If you want to be merry in a million ways,
For the holidays you can’t beat home, sweet home!



One Comment

  1. Tamara Royal wrote:

    Thank you. Amen! Thought maybe I was depressed- but I was just HOME! Best Holiday-yes dishes piled up, stayed in the same PJ’s (for a couple days now!) ate my favorite foods…you said it best. I didn’t go anywhere, see anyone, do anything- lucky me, I was home.

    Saturday, January 1, 2011 at 5:57 pm | Permalink

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