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Alter Ego

I’m fairly decent-mannered.  I maintain a civil tone.
I open doors for strangers, I’m respectful on the phone.
I’m polite to clerks and cabbies, but in truth I have to say
That I’ve often dreamed of being Basil Fawlty for a day!

A brash and shameless misanthrope, I’d run a shabby inn
Where the guests would all be greeted with a snide, sarcastic grin.
I’d have a filthy moose head out on prominent display
And I’d thumb my nose at everyone as Fawlty for a day!

I’d mutter with impatience at my customers’ requests.
I’d imitate the Führer for my special German guests!
I’d smack the clueless waiter when I’d dropped a dinner tray
If I got to live my dream of being Fawlty for a day!

I’d be boorish, brusque and arrogant to everyone I met.
To anyone who balked, I’d snap, “I haven’t started yet!”
I’d rail at all humanity, I’d bellow and I’d bray
If I only could be Fawlty for a single bloody day!




  1. Sergio wrote:

    Brilliant. This needs to be set to music!

    Monday, November 15, 2010 at 6:44 am | Permalink
  2. PhilF wrote:

    For music, try “I’ve Got a Little List” by Gilbert and Sullivan.

    Monday, November 15, 2010 at 7:11 am | Permalink
  3. Steve wrote:

    Loved it!

    Monday, November 15, 2010 at 7:17 am | Permalink
  4. Anna wrote:

    It may be fun to vent and to put noses out of joint,
    But every sociopath requires a civil counterpoint.
    You need a voice of reason, for the risks are very clear,
    So allow me to be Sybil, please, and tell you “Stop that, dear.”

    Monday, November 15, 2010 at 10:39 am | Permalink
  5. Eri wrote:

    If Anna gets to be Sybil, can I play the lovely Polly?

    Sketching portraits in the abstract seems to be her only folly.

    Monday, November 15, 2010 at 1:02 pm | Permalink
  6. Evan wrote:

    I’ll give you my full blessing for your trial at this piece,
    But Basil Fawlty’s at his best when he’s played by John Cleese.
    It’s not that I am scared for you or won’t give you the time,
    But I really think your mastery is of these frickin’ rhymes.

    Monday, November 15, 2010 at 10:03 pm | Permalink

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