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Monthly Archives: July 2012

Devilish Device

It always drops the urgent call. It downloads data at a crawl. The power doesn’t last at all, Which sucks egregiously. It gets no bars at my locale. It once erased a Facebook pal. I think I’ll call my smartphone HAL. It’s out to murder me!

Wha’ Happen???

Mr. Willard, Mr. Willard, You’re a ballsy dude, no doubt. That was quite some crazy improv When you whipped your Guffman out! Are there even public theaters For skin flicks anymore? Did those puppets never teach you What the Internet is for? There are bound to be some questions, As your fans will all be [...]

Should’ve Dressed in Layers

It’s a cold and foggy morning in the City by the Bay. No, wait — it’s warm and sunny. No, I take it back.  It’s gray. A freezing wind is blowing now. Okay, it’s ninety-eight, but how? A thunderstorm is brewing.  Wow! And now it’s gone away. Outside your normal comfort range? One nanosecond… It’ll [...]

Special Request

When I order up a sandwich On a long, commercial flight, I’m really not too fussy. I just want a decent bite. I can take or leave the mayo. I don’t mind a slice of cheese. You can add a spear of pickle too, But hold the needle please! It’s a singular aversion That I [...]

Dual Personality

Morning Me, quite conscientious, Sticks to oatmeal, nuts and flax. But Evening Me is more licentious, Pounding down the nacho snacks. Ranch Doritos, Chee-tos, Fritos, Twinkies, Processed Cheddar Food, All washed down with large mojitos. Sorry, Morning Me, you’re screwed!

Getting Prepared

My friends and my neighbors all mock me and laugh When I’m honing my skills with my crossbow and staff. But I don’t let it irk me.  I know I improve With each repetition of each killer move! And meanwhile, my weapons are top-of-the-line. When the zombies attack, the last laugh will be mine!

Nerd in Paradise

If I had gone to Comic-Con, I’d have my bangin’ Batsuit on. I’d hobnob with a Wookie, Maybe Cookie Monster too. I would witness Frankenweenie Wearing Leia’s brass bikini And I’d meet a fairly recent, Pretty decent Dr. Who. I’d get autographs from Sulu, The Avengers and Cthulu! I could dance with Brad and Janet [...]

Extreme Conditions

The soil is dusty, parched and dry. The nation’s drought is now severe. The temperature’s a record high, And rain has passed us by this year. When crops have failed and grass can’t grow, When every herd of cattle croaks, At least we’ll still be cheered to know That climate change is just a hoax!

Lilliputian Leader

Monsieur Hollande, Monsieur Hollande, Ze French decry how you were conned! Did you forget how Brits enjoy Ze old, ingenious photo ploy? Ze guards, with hats, stood seven-three And made you look like Mini Me! Ah, zut alors!  A brilliant coup! Hollande, you’ve met your Waterloo!

Nonstarter

Dawdler at the traffic light, Do you intend to take all night? It’s long been green, yet there you wait. Just what is there to contemplate? The cosmos on a turtle’s back? Recurring themes in Kerouac? The riddle of the ancient Sphinx? The strange allure of Jar Jar Binks? What means or method can there [...]