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Monthly Archives: April 2011

Wannabe

I want to be a hipster.  I would haunt a hipster bar. In my ratty Converse sneakers I would riff on punk guitar. I’d sport the requisite goatee. I’d listen to the BBC. With perfect hipster irony I’d sip my PBR. I’d be a leading expert on the independent screen. I’d make a point of [...]

Don’t Let the Door Hit You!

Goodbye, Mr. Beck. A reality check Has determined your show Is a shark-jumping wreck! Your paranoid views On progressives and Jews Are too warped and demented For even Fox News! Your sponsors all went, For your logic was bent And your ratings had plummeted Forty percent! It’s a crime, you insist, But the network is [...]

Brand-Name Rhymes: A Collection

1. Crocker Shocker! To bakers, Betty Crocker Is the sweetheart of the nation, But among her friends and neighbors She’s acquired a reputation! Any loser with a logo Gets a piece of Betty’s pie, From the buff and beefy Brawny To the Quaker Oatmeal guy! She’s dallied in the valley With a giant dude who’s [...]