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Monthly Archives: August 2010

Stop the Presses

The newspaper once was the media king, Purveyor of facts and of views. It would bring you the latest from Rome or Beijing, And the comics were fun to peruse. It would cover the issues, or even your eyes If you needed a ten-minute snooze. And if print hadn’t practically met its demise, We could [...]

Another World

Two thousand light years distant, Round a star called Kepler-9 There spins an earth-like planet Of a promising design. If higher life’s survived the droughts, Volcanos and diseases, It may be  full of Starbucks, Chick-fil-A’s and Chuck E. Cheeses. Perhaps one day we’ll travel there, And not to offer battle, But just to give them [...]

Doggerel Bard

From the days of Edmund Spenser To the era of Millay, Great poets wrote in rhyming verse, Which then became passé. As the moderns have discovered, When you write of timeless love, You’ve run clean out of rhyme words After using up “above!” A sing-song verse now ranks among The worst poetic sins. But a [...]

Grammatical Gripe #6

Though classic Greek and Latin May be tongues of yesteryear, Corruption of the ancient forms Still grates upon my ear. The rules have slowly faded Like some old Pompeiian mural. But “kudos” is the singular, While “media” is plural!

Miss Perfect

If I had never done a thing Resulting in reproach and shame, Had never had a sordid fling Or cheated in a poker game Or looked at dirty magazines Or uttered “Damn!” or something worse, Then I could be Miss Philippines, But wouldn’t make Miss Universe!

The Sweet Smell of Solitude

When I’m inclined to be alone, Completely solo, on my own, Sans wife or colleague, friend or boss, I eat sardines with mustard sauce. I pop the can; its thick perfume In nanoseconds clears the room. It renders many ill and cross To smell sardines with mustard sauce! Though others may retreat in haste, I’m [...]

High Old Time

One night when I was feeling fine, Perhaps a little odd, I put on ABBA’s greatest hits And heard the voice of God. I ate a pound of curly fries, Three microwave burritos, A box of Frankenberry And a jumbo bag of Cheetos. I think I did some smooching With my roommate’s beagle mix. Which [...]

Choice Words

Dr. Laura Schlessinger, The Right’s beloved messenger, You’ve lately been a target of abuse. You dropped the bomb that starts with N, Repeated it ten times again, And thought, “It’s nice to have a good excuse!” You whine because you’ve taken heat, Except for Mama Grizzly’s tweet. The LSM has got you in its sights. [...]

The Defendant Speaks

I’m Badass Blagojevich!  Baby, I’m free! No rinky-dink prison could ever hold me! They couldn’t convict.  I’m as good as acquitted Of all but just one of the crimes I committed! I’ll beat ‘em despite all their sound and their fury, As long as one moron is picked for the jury!

Epitaph

Michael Egan was a vegan. Always ate organic greens, Hand-picked oats and barley groats In no way processed by machines. Michael was a junk-food-hater. Healthy living was his cause. Never saw that speeding freighter Hauling tons of Häagen-Dazs.