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Monthly Archives: July 2010

Et Tu, Charlie?

What were you thinking, good Congressman Rangel? New Yorkers are asking, just what was your angle? Your judgment was faulty, your ethics erratic. Evading your taxes?  It’s un-Democratic! The Becks and the Limbaughs are on the attack. Why, even Pelosi is turning her back! Whatever possessed you, good Congressman Chuck? The committee is waiting, so [...]

South-of-the-Border Order

At José’s Taquería I had some frijoles, Some chips with both spicy and mild guacamoles Plus tacos, burritos, and chili con queso. (I ended up feeling muy lleno de eso!) I downed a few flautas with yellow tortillas, Tamales, gorditas, and fresh sopapillas, A crispy tostada, a big enchilada. From now till December, I think [...]

Going Negative

According to the TV ads, One candidate’s a commie. The other hosted orgies, Hiring hookers for his mommy. While one was making porno films With hungry, homeless orphans, The other sponsored bum fights For a rush of sweet endorphins. The one was hooked on crystal meth, The other made his fix. As usual, the choice [...]

Get Your E. Coli Here!

There’s mouse crap in the hot dog stand And maybe in the relish. Who knows what’s in the mustard, But it’s likely something hellish! The bratwurst smells peculiar, But I’m not a fussy fella. A ball game’s not a ball game Without some salmonella! 

Web of Life

I’ve seen the cutest kittehs And the wacky treadmill dance. I’ve LOL’d at Trololo And Hitler’s countless rants. The classic Numa Numa song Still haunts my every dream. The Internet is now the world, And life is but a meme.

Hotcakes

I know a little bakery That makes erotic cakery. The icing is enticing With its silky-soft appeal. No pastry lover ever shuns Their sweet and supple sticky buns. One nibble on their cupcakes Has you gasping, “Those are real!”  Their chocolate balls are quite a kick. They’re oh-so-smooth and extra-thick. And if you’re nice, they’ll [...]

Shirley You Exaggerate!

I’m editing film clips of Shirley Sherrod To show her as part of a terrorist squad. I’m making it look like she’s cheating at poker While plotting nefarious schemes with The Joker. I’ll show her in Hell selling Satan her soul, Just to see if Tom Vilsack will swallow it whole!

I Knew Shakespeare, I Studied Shakespeare… You’re No Shakespeare.

O Sarah, how thy word hath swept the nation! For malaprop thou hast a noble knack. Thou spakest of complete “refudiation” And suff’rest from the press no end of flak. One must admire thy lexical creation. ‘Tis almost as if Dubya now were back! And yet, forsooth, thou wert in no way serious. Thou merely [...]

Listen Up, Retailer!

I don’t need any gift cards Or a chance to win a prize. I don’t need brownies, batteries Or other impulse buys. This isn’t where I donate To the Mayor’s Midnight Hoops, The Restless Leg Society Or Teacups for the Troops. But I can suggest a service That would give me satisfaction. I give you [...]

The Anxiety of Non-Influence

“I Write Like” will identify Your literary voice, Comparing you to Stephen King Or Hemingway or Joyce. I dared to hope I’d be a Poe, A Hawthorne or a Clemens. At least a Philip Roth — but damn! It seems I write like Emmons! (For the record, I entered the next of my last entry, [...]