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Monthly Archives: June 2010

The Father, Son, and Holy Smoke!

When lightning levels Jesus, It leads to pain and grief. The event may well displease us And almost strain belief! From such a freak occurrence The questions raised are odd. Does Jesus have insurance Against an act of God?     

I want my own MacGuffin. It’s the thing I most desire. I’d commit a crime to get it. I would walk through hellish fire. I’d intrigue with shady characters, Although I might get shot. In my life’s absorbing narrative, It drives the very plot! I’ve vowed that I will never rest Until my quest is [...]

Song of the Open Road

The Interstate is oh, so long, The coffee plentiful and strong, And though my swelling bladder’s weak, There’s little time to take a leak. The scenery goes whizzing by. (If it can whiz, then why can’t I?) Alas, to think what I’d be fined For leaving trucker bombs behind!

A Professor’s Retort

Dear student, you have not done well. The reason why I’ll gladly tell. Your brain is soft as bechamel, With all the smarts of Liquid Prell. Your grammar’s weak, you cannot spell. Your essays absolutely smell. Quite frankly, you can go to hell! Yours sincerely, Dr. Fell  

B.S. in Political Science

Baloney has a first name. It’s B-U-L-L, see? Baloney has a second name And that’s S-H-I-T. You always get it every day From Portland, Maine to San Jose,  ‘Cause pundits all must have their say Across the freakin’ U.S.A.

Helen of Oy!

So what the hell happened, Ms. Thomas? What compelled you to open your mouth? Just what were you thinking or smoking or drinking That caused your career to go south? The pundits are blogging, Ms. Thomas, And the flame wars aren’t likely to cease. If you’re ever to get out of this one, You’ll need [...]

This Is Your Brain on Technology

Neurologists have diagnosed a loss of concentration As gadgetry rewires our brains for byte-size information. Forget Recherche du Temps Perdu, Ulysses, Moby Dick… Our atrophied attention spans will leave us much too thick! So next time, give the Net a miss. Unless, of course, you’re reading this. 

Down from the Mountain

I once would hike the Rockies and would shun the beaten track. I would scale the peaks with sixty pounds upon my youthful back. But now I’ve passed two score and ten, I’ve toned it down a bit. Yet still I have my way of keeping minimally fit. I simply cover half the ground And [...]

First Barrel’s Free, Kids!

I once could trust my car To the man who wore the star, And I never worried much about emissions. Then a tad more level-headed, I began to buy unleaded, For the experts said it might improve conditions. But I still gas up my mower. I’m not driving any slower. I’m addicted like a junkie [...]

End of the Love Story

Alas for Al and Tipper. They lasted forty years, Through Nixon and the Gipper, Through SALT and “Billy” beers. They displayed some ardent kissing, As a loving couple should. But in marriage, something’s missing When a stiff guy loses wood.