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Monthly Archives: June 2010

A Summer Limerick

I’m a cretin, a dolt and a fool! In my desperate attempt to stay cool, I’m plunging right in Where the kiddies have been, And I know what they do in the pool!

Whatever It Is, I’m Against It!

I’m an avid reformer crusading for change. Incumbents are there to be axed! I’m all for equality, justice and rights, As long as I’ll never be taxed! I’m a muckraking blogger, the mouthpiece of rage, An expert at rocking the boat. I live for division and brazen attacks. In short, I’m pro-strife and I vote! [...]

Dying to Go Green

Friends, do you have dysentery, Typhoid fever, beriberi, Strep, e. coli, measles, mumps, Strange, unnerving cystic lumps, Gonorrhea, syphilis, The heartbreak of psoriasis, Lyme disease, the plague, rubella, Shingles, jaundice, salmonella, Flu, ebola, meningitis, Spasms rivaling St. Vitus, Whooping cough and puking jags? You should have washed your grocery bags!

McChrystal the Pistol

A commander must be disciplined, Resisting all temptation To spill remarks which might amount To insubordination. A single careless word may lead To loss of rank and glory. We seek a penalty fifty fold, We seek a penalty fifty fold, We seek a penalty fifty fold For General Stanley’s story! (Tip of the quill to [...]

From the WTF Files

The news of the day was a shocker! Are we off our proverbial rocker? I’m as baffled as you, But it seems to be true. Americans care about soccer! 

Car Talk

My mechanic says my fleegle joints Are just about to go. My prog nuts need replacing, Which is serious, you know! My gribbers are furshmickled And my spiffons all need collars, Which explains why every time I drive, I leak a thousand dollars! He says I need a blorger And a new McClellan fan. Well, [...]

Out-Of-This-World Goodness

A skinny, scrawny alien, A wiry little wisp, Came bearing peace and cereal. His name, of course, was Quisp. He brought us healthful vitamins From A on down through D, And his added shot of sugar Gave us Quazy Energy! It was shaped like flying saucers, Not some dull and boring flake. (Though it’s possible [...]

Calling Mr. Bowdler!

You can’t say “sp*rm” in iBooks (The word’s just gross and sick!) Though Apple may supply books With names like Moby D**k! We’re left with dull and dry books, Which I regard with scorn. And so I say goodbye, books, The Internet’s for porn!

A Lackey’s Lament

I apologize sincerely  to the leader of BP. If you want to rape our nation’s shores, that’s A-OK by me! To assuage your wounded feelings, I’ll do anything you say. I will kiss your oily anus and I’ll call it crème brulée! I apologize for everyone who whimpers or complains, And it’s not about the [...]

The 100-Light-Year High Club

If I were Captain James T. Kirk, I’d be a love machine. I’d get with every babe I met. (So what if she was green?) From Altair 2 to Rigel 4 I’d make my plays and always score With Deltans, Saurians and more – Perhaps the Vulcan queen! Yes, random sex would be a perk If [...]