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Monthly Archives: May 2010

Theater Rule Number 1

My fellow moviegoer, You can shake your popcorn bag, You can rattle Duds or Raisinettes, I promise not to nag. You can rest your feet on seat backs, You can even use your phone. You can cop a boorish attitude And hoot when actresses get nude. Just leave a space between us, dude, I need [...]

Leaf Beef

Though I keep it together in nice, sunny weather, I’m always a wreck when it rains. For the leaves that have fallen combined with the pollen Are constantly clogging the drains. “It sucks to be me!” I despondently mutter. A homeowner’s mind’s never out of the gutter!

Straight Talk

The friends of Ms. Kagan emphatically say That despite all the rumors, the gal isn’t gay! They’re shocked that respect and good taste have been breached. Her boyfriend in Zanzibar couldn’t be reached. 

A Rhyme About Nothing

They’ve found a giant hole in space, Where not a thing exists. No asteroids, no bug-eyed race, No cosmic dust or mists. Its purpose we may never know. Perhaps it’s where our taxes go.

Snapshot of a Nominee

She’s young and she’s a woman, But she’s got the balls of Xena. A former dean of Harvard Law, She’s wise, though no Latina. While right and left are raking muck, Her past is not too checkered. She knows just how to get confirmed: Have no judicial record!

Can We Contain It?

If Bob the Builder ran BP, No crude would now befoul the sea. He’d plug that pesky leak but good! Could he fix it?  Yes, he could! He’d confidently get it done And find a way to make it fun! But sadly, there’s no trace of Bob. Homer Simpson’s on the job!

A Greek Tragedy

One nation gave us Sophocles, The Parthenon and feta cheese, A model for democracies. For that we give it praise. But now it’s racked with crushing debts. It’s rumored on the Internets Investors’ fears and deep regrets will drain our IRAs! No comfort comes from Aristotle. I think it’s time to hoist the bottle!

Movies I’ll Skip, Take 1

I’ve seen rugged jawlines and well-chiseled abs. I’ve seen gooey hair gel in generous dabs. I’ve seen brooding faces with full, pouty lips. So there’s really no need to see Twilight: Eclipse!  

Fine Print

Informer, adviser, community-shaper, I mourn the demise of the old-fashioned paper. It uses up trees and the ink often runs, But you can’t line a bird cage with zeros and ones!


Today I’ll write of epic wars, Of jelly beans and toffee; Of evil robots, football scores, Of Hitler and Gaddafi. I’ll write of Emerson and Poe, Of Larry, Curly, yes, and Moe, Of Stewart’s brilliant Daily Show, Of Lindsay Lohan snorting blow, Of politicians’ quid pro quo, Of how to tame a Wendigo, And any [...]