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Monthly Archives: May 2010

Who’s Next?

Coleman ain’t talkin’ ’bout nothin’ no more, And Hopper has kicked, so I’ve heard. Should others now worry, Say Cher or Tim Curry? Or does Linkletter count at the third?                    

Thank You, Captain Obvious!

According to a recent study, Tanning beds cause melanoma. Also, marshes may be muddy. Tulsans live in Oklahoma. Kitty cats are fond of salmon. Titles often start with “The.” Years of drought can lead to famine. Cancer risk?  Well, freakin’ d-uh!!!

Band of Lovers

The ancient Spartan soldier was the lion of his day. He was battle-tough, superbly buff, intrepid, bold, and gay! The elders knew a man would not desert his battle station, Abandoning his one and only partner in fellation. The law was quite explicit, not ambiguous or hazy. They didn’t ask, they didn’t tell. They simply [...]

Your Call Is Impotent To Us

Press One for billing inquiries. For new accounts, press Eighty. To hear this list en español, Please presiona siete. To hear Vivaldi once again, Press any key, then star. To spend more time in menu hell, Press F-U-B-A-R!

Future Sticker Shock

They said that in the future  we’d be driving flying cars; We’d have robotic butlers and vacation homes on Mars; We’d travel at the speed of light on zippy little scooters. But mostly we just buy the latest cell phones and computers. With every new advance, I feel a bit more apprehensive. The Internet is [...]

Der Furor

When pundits and politicos With righteous rage are choked, It’s never long before the name Of Hitler is invoked. If an officeholder’s hiked a tax, Accepted gifts, or farted, It’s said to be exactly how The Nazi party started! The trope is unavoidable, And nothing could be surer. So what did stupid people say Before [...]

Wake Up and Smell the Fail!

The logo for Seattle’s Best Had richness, bite, a touch of zest. But recently it’s been revised And thoroughly homogenized. It once was bold as pure espresso. The new design is clearly less so! Whoever made the change, I’ll bet They hadn’t had their java yet!    

Just Five Seconds a Day!

Those fancy new ellipticals With TV sets installed Have changed my fitness regimen. I’m thoroughly enthralled! My intense aerobic workout Is complete before it starts. I tune in Beck or Hannity – My heart rate’s off the charts! 

Missed Episodes

I can’t keep up with current shows. (It’s had a social cost). If I watched the big finale, I’d be absolutely Lost! But now that it’s no longer new, I’ll put it on my Netflix queue.

Head Case

My cousin Wayne licks hubcaps. He roofed his house with gypsum. He tries to peddle screenplays That he writes in lorem ipsum. He often goes to Goldman Sachs For sound financial planning. He’s full of great ideas Since he started self-trepanning.