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Monthly Archives: April 2010

Pardon My Effin’ French!

I’ve dropped a few F-bombs while talking some trash. I’m a little too free with the s-dash-dash-dash. I’ve gotten some looks that could burn me to ash From well-mannered women and men. I know I’ve offended some sensitive ears Especially following one or two beers, But clean up my language?  I’ve learned through the years [...]

Seconds on Bacon

I thought I’d exhausted the subject of bacon, But research has shown me that I was mistaken. It’s used to make bandages!  Briefcases!  Shoes! And tough guys look tougher with bacon tattoos! It might be a tie or a mug for your beer. You can lift and support with a bacon brassiere! There are suits [...]

All-Purpose Meat

In today’s finer diners, whatever they’re makin’, The secret ingredient’s bound to be bacon. There’s bacon in salads, there’s bacon in pies, And bacon’s the tuna in tuna surprise! There’s essence of bacon in vodka and soda. Adventurous foodies crave bacon with Yoda! All chefs from New York to L.A. down to Macon Have solved [...]

Confession of a Doggerel Bard

With diligence, hard work and time This half-baked rhyme could be sublime. It might compare with Wordsworth’s best Or Byron, Keats and all the rest. Millay and Frost it might surpass And even kick Walt Whitman’s grass! With hours of labor (that’s the key) It might gain immortality! But I’m a lazy S.O.B.

The Spring of our Discontent

Winter is gone and I’m cutting the lawn. The crabgrass is boldly declaring, “It’s on!” The foxtail is growing, the pollen is blowing, My sinuses drip and I’m not finished mowing. The bees in the clover are waiting to sting. Yardwork’s the weed in the garden of spring!

Thinking Inside the Book

The suits have read the latest book With insights quite far-ranging. It’s value-added, cutting-edge, They’d even say GAME-CHANGING! It leverages best practices, It benchmarks excellence. It champions global strategies And oh, how it incents! To read such gold is quite a perk. It’s what they do instead of work.

To Rubenesque Pool Lady

You don’t know me; I don’t know you. We simply share the health club pool. We’ve both an extra pound or two, So let’s observe a simple rule. Since you’re well-padded ’round the glutes And I’m no statue by Bernini, I won’t wear skin-tight Speedo suits If you won’t wear a string bikini!

Straight Shooter

With a show of remorse, Tiger’s back on the course And his shots are well putted and driven. Though he once was a player, an 18-a-dayer, It’s over, and all is forgiven. He’s fighting temptation with deep meditation, I think Theravada or Zen. He’s chastened and tame, he’s respecting the game. Okay, golf is boring [...]

Environmentally Semiconscious

I buy those canvas grocery bags, Just like I ought to do. It sends a message to my friends: “I’m way more green than you.” The Earth is near catastrophe, And I don’t want to cause it. And so I shop with pride — Oh crap, I left them in the closet!

Clash of the Clichés

As long as we’re bringing the Kraken to Greece, Let’s throw in some mobsters and crooked police! Let’s bring in King Kong and some Injuns with arrows, Some Mexican bandits with giant sombreros! Some Japanese monsters that vomit up flame, The Alien out of the film by that name. A Wolfman, an Orc, or a [...]