Skip to content

Monthly Archives: March 2010

Shamrock the House!

Today we’re keen on wearin’ green Across the U.S.A. Though we be Scots or Hottentots We’re Irish for the day! We’ll drive our cars to Irish bars And talk in Irish brogues As we drain our beers and treat our ears To ballads by the Pogues!

Environmental Fail!

My mailbox overflows each day With pleas from the United Way, Global Impact, Farm Aid, CARE, Médecins sans Frontières, Boys’ Club, Girls’ Club, UNICEF, Children Who Can’t Read Bass Clef, And irony of ironies, About a ton from Save the Trees!

Found Verse #2

This cute rhyming ad for Kit-E-Kat pet food appeared in Woman’s Weekly in 1957.  I ran across it on Gypsy Creams, a fascinating collection of vintage ads compiled by Tanya Jones.  Enjoy!

The Omnivore’s Real Dilemma

Carbs and milk and flesh of cow Will lead to sudden death. And soybeans, as they tell us now, Are worse than crystal meth! All food is poisonous, I fear. I guess I’d better stick to beer.

Greek Drama

The workers are striking in Greece, From Athens to Thessaloniki! Each cruise ship and tanker Is lying at anchor. No chef is preparing tzatziki! Prime Minister George Papandreou Is feeling a trifle unsteady. Observing the strikes, He was heard to say, “Yikes! Can it really be Thursday already?”

Leap of Logic

An everyday cliché ignores this scientific datum: A quantum leap is tiny. It occurs inside an atom! So when you need a metaphor For distance, please recall, If you “take a quantum leap ahead,” you haven’t moved at all!

Mad Monk

Rasputin ate some gluten in a bite of Russian bread, And before the day was over he was batty in the head. He dressed in women’s underwear. He smoked a lead cigar. He diddled Alexandra and he tried to pork the Tsar! The Romanovs were doomed, for he was crazy sure as shootin’. What a [...]

Relativity

A gripping, fast-paced drama is the acme of the arts. A really funny comedy is done before it starts! It seems a finely-crafted film has time-constricting powers. Unlike the average Oscar night, which lasts a thousand hours.

Because she’s not getting enough airtime already…

Palin is pitching a show for TV! It may air on Fox, or perhaps NBC. With its scenes of Alaska, it’s stunning to view, But it suddenly ends when she quits halfway through.

Cat Ciao!

A TV chef in Italy Was sacked in seconds flat When he aired an ancient recipe For tasty Tuscan cat. Now me, I love a hearty ziti, But please, signore — hold the kitti!