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Monthly Archives: March 2010

Artsy-Fartsy

Le Petomane, Le Petomane, You never failed to entertain! From Italy to France and Spain You always filled the hall. With perfect skill and expertise You’d cut the least offensive cheese. You’d need no beans to act out scenes From “Fruit: The Musical!” Le Petomane, Le Petomane, Without the slightest sign of strain You’d imitate [...]

Song of the Bleeding Obvious

A dollar is a hundred cents. A chicken has no lips. Waiters tend to take offense When given lousy tips. William Shatner overacts. June comes after may. Politicians skew the facts And Ricky Martin’s gay!

Everything is Awesome

I’m now a fan of raisin bran, Hurricanes, Uzbekistan, Watermelon, comets, curling, Pounding Jaeger bombs and hurling, Chopsticks, dirt, Italian ice, The Elgin Marbles, body lice, Chunk light tuna in the can… If it’s on Facebook, I’m a fan!

Epiphany

I’ve studied countless humor styles In search of comic gold, For gags that roll them in the aisles Too often leave me cold. But here inside this bathroom stall I’ve come to understand. I see the writing on the wall. The joke is in my hand!

Big Meal

The chefs who’ve prepared The Last Supper Have doubled the mass of their dishes. With their huge appetizers They’re true super-sizers. They’ve multiplied bread loaves and fishes! The disciples are practically bursting, So they gently explain to the waiter, “It’s his body we eat, But by now we’re replete! Can you box up a little [...]

That Number Again Is…

On NPR this time of year A chatty pledge drive volunteer Reminds us that it’s time to make donations. He’s full of praise for Story Corps, World Cafe and Tell Me More, The shows you just don’t get on other stations! He lists the latest donors’ names, Wanda, William, Jenna, James, And rarely can you [...]

Medical Miracle

They’ve done it! ¬†Obamacare lives! Though the haters are now on a mission. If it’s government-run, Then it must be undone. (It’s a long pre-existing condition!) So on to the White House it goes, Where Obama will now okey-doke it. You can holler, “Repeal!” But the change is for real. Put THAT in your tea [...]

Road Outrage

When cruising on the Interstate, The guy I most abominate Is that obnoxious S.O.B. Who tries to pass at 70, Thus giving me no end of pain By blocking up the left-hand lane And breeding hatred in my soul By screwing up my cruise control!

Happy Place

When life gets tense, a bit off-kilter, I find escape in Metafilter. I hobnob there with cybergeeks, Web designers, gaming freaks, Ska musicians, math professors, Artists, cooks and window-dressers. I see the most amazing comics, Hot debates on economics, Classic photos culled from “Life,” Shatner crooning “Mack the Knife,” An interview with Colonel Klink, Perhaps [...]

Git ‘em Schooled!

The Texas Board of Ed‘s decreed that every kid in class Should learn about how sunlight shone from Ronald Reagan’s ass. Despite that commie FDR we kicked the Nazis’ buns, And Jesus wrote the Bill of Rights so we could keep our guns! The kids don’t have to be too bright To get the answers [...]