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Monthly Archives: January 2010

Rushian Roulette

You’re out on a limb, Mr. Limbaugh. You’ve offended the left and the right. Your oafish orations on aid to the Haitians Have stunned both the black and the white! You’ve achieved what’s eluded Obama: Made the bickering parties agree. You’re out on a limb, Mr. Limbaugh, And quite possibly out of your tree!

Two Godly Men

Old Time Religion Observe the Reverend Robertson. Beneath his gentle mien Lie views of sin and punishment from Century Thirteen. I learned about that era in a favorite college class. And I’d gladly get medieval on his ass! Scold That Tiger! How is it, Brit Hume, that you lightly presume To be Tiger’s religious adviser? The [...]

Back to the Late Shift

Leno, Jay Leno, you gave it a shot, But the network has spoken.  You’re out of your slot! They think you’ll do better in late night again, ‘Cause most of the viewers aren’t drunk before ten.

No Required Reading

Little Sarah Palin couldn’t name a mag she read. She didn’t keep a “Newsweek” or a “Time” beside her bed. Neither “Harpers” nor “The Nation” ever made her reading list, Nor the one with all the fancy words, that darned “Economist!” She never looked at “Fortune” for the latest on the stocks. Which made her [...]

Riotous Rudy

That zany Giuliani! Have you caught his latest act Where he says that under Dubya Not a terrorist attacked? He consistently amuses With the comic bits he uses. How hilarious the news is When you scrap a basic fact! What a hoot, that Giuliani! When he’s riffing, I’m a fan! Is Obama an Irani? Is [...]

20 Years, 450 Episodes, and Counting!

They gave us “D’oh,” the Flaming Moe, and Duff’s delicious brew, Mr. Plow, “Don’t have a cow,” McBain and Snowball II, The wit of Bart, the Quik-E-Mart, and Brockman’s news reports. A world without the Simpsons?  Hey, I’d rather eat my shorts!

The Shout Heard Round Hollywood

A certain Private Wilhelm bit the dust in ’53 When an Injun shot an arrow and it struck him near the knee. He bellowed out a scream of pain. The rest is history. For somehow Wilhelm’s scream lived on in shrill and shrieking tones. It was heard upon the Death Star and again among the [...]

A Twist on Tongues

I’ve studied French and German, though my skills have gotten weak. I’ve dabbled in the classical and modern forms of Greek. I’ve tried my hand at Turkish (which is quite a tricky lingo) And I know a little Spanish, but I speak it like a gringo. I’d like to learn some Japanese, enough to have [...]

Size Matters

O Burj Dubai!  O monumental phallus! The pride of your accomplished architect! Requiring no Viagra or Cialis, You tower so impressively erect! I’ll say without the slightest hint of malice, Your builder had a complex, I suspect! But just remember this, O Burj Dubai. It ain’t the height, it’s how you touch the sky!

Alter My Ego!

If I could have an avatar I’d join the Na’vi crew. My spirit would be blissful though my body would be blue. My life would be a tad bizarre if I could have an avatar. I’d learn the ancient customs with a hottie as my guide. I’d choose a flying dinosaur to be my awesome [...]