Thursday, December 31, 2009
The decade brought us countless fads:
You Tube, Crocs and hanging chads,
Hockey moms, the Wii and social media.
It brought us subprime lending schemes,
Keyboard Cat and other memes,
9-11, wars, and Wikipedia.
Rampant unemployment fears,
The ups and downs of Britney Spears,
The bird flu and another known as “swine.”
The “aughts” have left us all in shock,
So I say let’s turn [...]
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Avast, ye scurvy sailin’ men,
It’s time to wax piratic!
So hoist the Jolly Roger!
Grab your semi-automatic!
From the gory Gulf of Aden
We will rule the Arab Sea,
For a bloody band of buccaneers we be,
Yes we be,
A bloody band of buccaneers we be!
Every tanker weighin’ anchor,
Every fisher trawlin’ slow,
How their crews will quake in terror
When they hear our [...]
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
The car that you’ve selected
is the finest in its class.
It’s fully fuel-injected,
So it’s easy on the gas.
It’s dependable and sturdy
as a vehicle can be,
Until it’s time to sell you
the extended warranty!
And then it seems the bogle belt
is just about to go.
The Vinson valve is weakening.
The kleeger’s going to blow!
The phlux is kind of flimsy.
To be [...]
Monday, December 28, 2009
The holiday’s over,
The money is spent
And Visa’s demanding
Its twenty percent.
My palms have grown sweaty,
My eye starts to twitch.
My Christmas was merry,
But payback’s a bitch!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Take some Alka-Seltzer, Santa,
Gaviscon and Maalox too.
Pepto-Bismol and Mylanta,
Gas-X tablets you can chew!
Seven billion cakes and cookies
Make a less-than-jolly elf.
Such mistakes are made by rookies.
Next year, learn to pace yourself!
MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY!!!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
“They’re waging war on Christmas!”
cries the blowhard on TV.
“They’ll scuttle your Nativity,
they’ll confiscate your tree!
They’ll set your holly wreaths ablaze.
They’ll torture anyone who prays.
They’ll wish you ‘Happy Holidays’
because it’s more PC!”
“They’re waging war on Christmas!”
screams the prophet of the right.
“They hate the baby Jesus,
they’re so full of scorn and spite!
They can’t abide his virgin birth.
They’re [...]
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Gold and Frankincense and Myrrh?
To whom would gifts like these occur
For bringing to a child too young to prattle?
Forgive me if I sermonize,
But if those Men were truly Wise,
I think they would have brought the boy a rattle!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
The strains of Bach and Handel
make our spirits warm and bright.
The First Noel’s a charming air,
and so is Silent Night.
But for jolly tunes and lyrics
that will tickle and amuse,
The merriest of Christmas songs
are those composed by Jews!
Berlin knocked out White Christmas
by the light of his menorah,
And Johnny Marks wrote Rudolph
on a break from reading Torah.
If [...]
Monday, December 21, 2009
This is the annual end-of-year verse I write for the Shoebox blog. To see it with cool illustrations by several talented Shoebox artists, please go here. In fact, go there anyway. It’s where a lot of funny people post a lot of funny stuff.
Year View Mirror
The Year 2009 in Rhyme
Let’s drink to ‘09 with a [...]
Friday, December 18, 2009
A fork in the toaster’s the act of a fool,
For the damage you do could be drastic.
It may be the only available tool,
But you’ll just end up melting the plastic!