Skip to content

Monthly Archives: December 2008

Attainable Goals for 2009

Resolved: I’ll fight no grizzly bears, Won’t climb the Matterhorn in Crocs. I’ll have no hot but cheap affairs With Kirsten Dunst and Megan Fox. I won’t be pressured by my peers To join the Crips or Rosicrucians. And though I’ve failed in other years, I may just keep these resolutions!  

Year-View Mirror: 2008 in Rhyme

The following year-end verse was written for the Shoebox Greetings blog, where you can see it complete with brilliant illustrations by humor artist Dick Daniels.  Hope you enjoy it! The year of ’08, without doubt or debate, Was a bumpy and turbulent ride From the stock market thing to the smog in Beijing To the [...]

Gus’s World 5

When I’m around, some people sneeze. Their eyes swell up, they sniff and wheeze. They seem a little ill at ease,   which only draws me close. I like to jump upon their laps And settle in for lengthy naps Or groom myself.  I think perhaps   it makes them less morose. Besides, I find it lots [...]

Fine Products for Home and Office!

If you’re looking for a wristwatch   that can fry your breakfast egg Or a fine imported liverwurst   direct from Winnipeg Or a musical decanter   for your festive Christmas nog, You’ll find it in the pages   of the SkyMall catalogue! It’s packed with fine inventions   that will make your life more pleasant, From the pop-up hot [...]

Mind Like a Wicker Trap

Brutus murdered Hamlet   if my facts are not mistaken. I’m sure that Bond would never take   his dry martini shaken. The capital of Maine is Butte,   and twelve times twelve is plenty. I kind of miss those brain cells   I destroyed when I was twenty!  

Merry Melee

By one day after Christmas The merriment wears thin. Relations bring up old regrets Like childhood pranks and unpaid debts, And after heated tete-a-tetes Hostilities begin. The leading folklore experts say That’s why they call it Boxing Day.    

Saint Nick Speaks

I wasn’t always fat, you know. As all my ancient icons show, I used to be a lean and wiry bloke. The cookies left by every tot May seem the culprit, yet they’re not. The blame lies most decidedly with Coke! Their advertisers undertook To give St. Nick a plumper look, So now I’m quite [...]

Santa’s Little Hecklers 5

Once the Christmas season’s ended, OTTO rears his nasty head, Making sure you’ve apprehended That you’re deeply in the red. Illustration by Chris Harding

Santa’s Little Hecklers 4

BARFI, as her name implies, Will leave you queasy, weak and ill When neighbors bring you mincemeat pies And items more disgusting still.   Illustration by Chris Harding

Santa’s Little Hecklers 3

Once it’s time for present-shipping, XERXES demonstrates his powers. Soon your sanity is slipping, For you’ve waited twenty hours. Illustration by Chris Harding