Skip to content

Monthly Archives: October 2008

Halloweenies 6

Cadmus The naked bones of Cadmus Jones   lie peaceful in his crypt. He mourns his fate, for he was once   robust and well-equipped. Yet hope still springs eternal   in this sorriest of men. He dreams that with Viagra,   his bones may rise again. Illustration by Chris Harding

Halloweenies 5

Monstrous Marriage Milton Henry Cyclops   and Amanda June, his wife, Anticipating married bliss,   had forty years of strife. They had the best intentions,   but no matter how they’d try, They never quite acquired the knack   for seeing eye to eye. Illustration by Chris Harding

Halloweenies 4

Dave Dave is quite the Casanova, Tall and handsome, lean and tan. Cool, disarming, suave and charming, Like a perfect ladies’ man. Players often like them young, But not our more discerning Dave. Never one to rob the cradle, He prefers to rob the grave! Illustration by Chris Harding 

Halloweenies 3

Nancy Nancy was the haunted kind. She had a strangely tortured mind. She dwelled in cancer, AIDS, Ebola; The ill effects of Coca-Cola; The horrors on her TV screen; The future cost of gasoline; The conflicts on the global stage; The weakness sure to come with age. At length her mind was so obsessed, She [...]

Halloweenies 2

Morty Morty the mummy is quick with a curse. But when he’s out driving, it gets even worse. An hour on the freeway will give him conniptions. (A common complaint among undead Egyptians.) He glares at the speeders with venom and scorn. He swears at the slowpokes while pounding his horn. “Get moving!” he bellows. [...]

Halloweenies 1

Boris Boris runs a small café For those whose tastes are très outré. They pay top dollar just to eat His fine, exotic cuts of meat. Their appetites are strange but hearty. Table for the Donner party! Illustration by Chris Harding

Voting with the Stars

A wise man said that Hollywood   has often tried to mix The glam and glitz of show biz   with the art of politics. But really, who’s persuaded   by a Brangelina quote? I’m awed by Bono’s music,   but he doesn’t rock my vote! I’ve never sought the punditry   of Grumpy, Doc or Dopey. But now at [...]

Toilet Paper Palinode

Intending to be tongue-in-cheek and droll (For every laugh’s a feather in my cap), I wrote about the toilet paper roll And evidently caused a major flap! Fomenting discord never was my goal. Who knew that people really gave a crap? There’s over and there’s under; neither’s wrong. Now brothers, can’t we all just get [...]

How Decent People Roll

Listen up, you philistines,   it’s time you heard the truth. You need to get some culture   so you won’t be so uncouth! Just follow these instructions   to avoid a social blunder: Install the bathroom tissue   so the paper comes from under!   

McCain in Pain

The maverick’s looking testy now.   He grits his teeth and fidgets, Observing that Obama’s lead   has grown to double digits. And yet his slams will still persist. He’ll point his finger, pound his fist And call Barack a terrorist,   assuming that we’re idjits!