Tuesday, September 30, 2008
The song that sticks inside my head
would never win a Grammy.
It’s not the Stones, The Grateful Dead
or even Frank or Sammy.
It’s “Brady Bunch” or “Man Named Jed”
or Shatner singing “Mammy!”
The worst of rock or folk or pop!
Dear God in heaven, make it stop!
Monday, September 29, 2008
The retronym’s a useful word,
A favorite of the language nerd.
It’s coined when innovation’s done
And then refers to Version One.
To wit, our mail was simply mail
Till e-mail forced the added “snail.”
I had to wait till I was grown
To learn a phrase like “land-line phone.”
And no new tricks for this old dog!
The watch I wear is “analog.”
There’s [...]
Sunday, September 28, 2008
“Farewell to Mr. Newman!”
cries the nation with a groan.
As an actor and a human
he could move a heart of stone.
While his “Hud” could be distressing,
In “The Sting” he kept us guessing.
If your salad needs a dressing,
what compares with Newman’s Own?
Hats off to Mr. Newman!
Bells in Tinseltown will toll.
Hear each thespian and crewman
eulogize his gentle soul!
Though [...]
Saturday, September 27, 2008
The public restroom’s paper towels
are made from murdered trees.
But what’s the green alternative?
Electric dryers? Please!
It’s not the “cleanest” coal that’s burned
to run the power plants.
The eco-friendly choice is clear:
I’ll just “wipe hands on pants.”
Friday, September 26, 2008
“Next year, the penny will be getting not just one
new look but four of them, the first changes to the
one-cent coin in fifty years.”
–Associated Press
They’ve redesigned the one-cent coin,
that worthless hunk of copper.
That leave-one-take-one albatross,
the bane of every shopper!
In these sad economic times,
though I don’t mean to grouse,
A penny just won’t buy a thing.
Except, perhaps, [...]
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Oh, what will be the fate
Of the Friday night debate?
We were primed for verbal venom, jeers and odium!
“There’s a crisis!” cries McCain.
“I’m suspending my campaign!”
Will Obama be left standing at the podium?
If they both should stand their ground,
The results could be profound,
And one could come out smelling like a rose.
What’ll earn a better rating,
Doing business [...]
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Although it’s neither lean nor mean,
My bod’s a bona fide machine.
It does its work efficiently,
Converting coffee into pee.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
With seven hundred billion
I could quit the daily grind.
I could fund a new foundation
for the handicapped or blind.
I’d support the arts and learning
from New York to Mozambique.
At my dear old alma mater
I’d endow a chair in Greek!
I could pay the debts of millions
when the banks would just foreclose
And I wouldn’t spare a penny
for those sorry [...]
Monday, September 22, 2008
It wasn’t all that long ago
that manly bods were hairy.
A guy without some fur was thought
a creampuff, wimp, or fairy.
But now the virile types, I’m told,
are shaving by the billions.
They pluck, they wax, they depilate,
they undergo Brazilians!
Perhaps it sounds unhip, but still
if that’s the price of mating,
Then I’m one grateful married dude.
I couldn’t handle dating!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
The man who plays the fiddle
has a gift for the sublime.
He fingers with precision
while he bows in perfect time.
He can handle tricky rhythms
and the toughest double stops.
He commands a lengthy repertoire
from classical to pops.
His legato (full vibrato!)
yields a tone that’s quite complex.
He’s in it for the music,
’cause it doesn’t get him sex!