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Category Archives: Confessions


There are those who walk on burning coals To get their fix of thrills, While others jump from speeding planes (Which all too often kills). But I’ve got something more extreme To give my life its zing. I simply have my residence In Kansas in the spring! It’s a perilous activity, As risky as it [...]

Takei Curious

I’m not a big celebrity Or star of stage and screen. You’ll never see my causes hyped In “People” magazine. I’ve got no flair for drama And I like myself that way, But I still can’t help but wonder What it’s like to be Takei! I’d be charming, I’d be witty, Never nasty, crass or [...]

Extreme Lying Down

I passionately hanker To become a famous planker. I would tarry on the prairie, Where I’d hunker down and lie. At the Guggenheim Museum Or the Roman Colosseum I would take a prone position To achieve a planker’s high! I would board a Russian tanker Just to plank upon the anchor Which would cause a [...]

It’s Good to Be the Chief!

If I could be the president, I’d drop the dull veneer. I’d govern in my underwear While belching Miller beer. From heads of state I’d take the piss. There’s not a group I wouldn’t diss. I’d tell the Congress they could kiss My presidential rear! I’d have a hot young intern chick. I’d call her [...]


The floor’s unswept, the bed’s unmade, I’ve left the yard work incomplete. My past-due bills are still unpaid. My laundry smells like rancid feet. The bathtub has a leaky tap. The cat box overflows with turds. But I give less than half a crap. I’ve leveled up in Angry Birds!


I want to be a hipster.  I would haunt a hipster bar. In my ratty Converse sneakers I would riff on punk guitar. I’d sport the requisite goatee. I’d listen to the BBC. With perfect hipster irony I’d sip my PBR. I’d be a leading expert on the independent screen. I’d make a point of [...]

Recently Declassified

In the boys’ room once in junior high I sneaked a cigarette. I may have glimpsed a breast or two While surfing on the Net. In a crowded college lecture hall I let an S.B.D. (My disgust was so convincing, Not a soul suspected me!) My 1990 tax return Was overdue by weeks. And tonight [...]

Gone Mental

Oh, why was Sudoku invented? Though its logic is often sublime, By obsessive addiction’s The worst of afflictions. It eats both my soul and my time! My house and my yard need attention. My verses are penned without care. I should murder the mug Who created this drug, Just as soon as I’ve finished this [...]

Reuse, Recycle, Repeat.

I rack my brains for something new. Do I repeat myself?  I do! My mind’s not like that Whitman dude’s. I’m small, contain no multitudes.

Grammatical Gripe #6

Though classic Greek and Latin May be tongues of yesteryear, Corruption of the ancient forms Still grates upon my ear. The rules have slowly faded Like some old Pompeiian mural. But “kudos” is the singular, While “media” is plural!