Skip to content

Category Archives: Hot Topics

Royal Pain

The pride of the duchess is battered and bruised. The princes are shocked, and the Queen’s not amused. They swear that Great Britain has gone down the tubes, For the masses have peeked at Kate Middleton’s boobs! The nobles, the commons, and even ex-suitors Have all had a gander at Middleton’s hooters. It does her [...]

Black Market

Bloomberg’s brought back prohibition! Jumbo drinks are now taboo! Crooks and mugs are on a mission, Brewing bathtub Mountain Dew! Need some hefty Coca-Colas? Mr. Pibb, the drink of sin? Go out back to Joe Carolla’s. Knock three times, he’ll let you in. Sunkist sells like liquid crack. There’s Sprite for those who’ve got the [...]

Smarter Phone

The iPhone 5 is off and running! Now it’s faster loading apps. The taller, four-inch screen is stunning. Gotta love those 3-D maps! Its look is slim and iridescent, Plus it takes amazing pics. But sadly, now it’s obsolescent. Better wait for iPhone 6!

Finding Comfort

The world is a harsh, inhospitable place. It’s a kick in the gut and a slap in the face! A festering cesspool of sorrow, despair, And constant reminders that life isn’t fair. A nightmarish prison of angst and ennui, Where Hamlet’s decision’s a clear “NOT to be!” And yet, when it seems that I simply [...]

Use Your Imagination, Hank!

Hank Williams Jr., is that all you’ve got? Obama’s a Muslim? Your story ain’t squat! Now, why be so tame when you know it’s not true? (Assuming you don’t have a grapefruit’s I.Q.!) You could say he’s the Penguin, the Riddler, the Joker! Whatever, as long as it’s not mediocre! Or say he’s a pirate [...]

Mitt and Clint

Said Romney to Eastwood, “That stunt was a blunder. You’ve hogged up the spotlight and stolen my thunder! The headlines are yours, and I’m kicked to the curb. Now everyone’s “Eastwooding!” Jeez, it’s a verb! That’s all they remember. It just isn’t fair. Oh, save your apologies. Talk to the chair!”

Bad Element

The Queen in a hoodie is trouble, it’s plain. She’ll mug you on sight, and she’ll bring royal pain! She loiters in London with criminal malice. She tweaks the guards’ noses at Buckingham Palace! She’s ruthless and brutal, the whole enchilada. I bet she could whack the whole Spanish Armada! It’s scary when elderly royals [...]

For the Fairer Sex

Girls are girls and guys are guys. Their tastes and talents rarely mix. So ladies, just for you — Surprise! We’re introducing Bics for Chicks! They come in lovely fashion hues. (We know just how you get your kicks!) The nicest, cutest curlicues Are lightly penned with Bics for Chicks! Your hands are meant for [...]

Restoration Comedy

If your artwork needs restoring, I’ll be glad to volunteer. I can paint a frizzy fright wig On your Rembrandt or Vermeer. When I’m touching up a fresco, I will go the extra mile. I can add a dash of Pepsodent To Mona Lisa’s smile! I can really punch the colors In your lilies by [...]

Keeping the British End Up

If I were Harry, Prince of Wales, I’d be the stuff of ribald tales. I’d fly to Vegas on a spree And show the world my “royal wee.” The press would sneer, the Queen would wince. I’d smirk, “It’s good to be the prince!” I’d boost the British tabloid sales If I were Harry, Prince [...]