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Category Archives: Hot Topics

Enough Already!

Syria’s burning. There’s strife in Ukraine. Iraq is a mess. California needs rain. There’s racism coupled with riots and arson. Republicans might even nominate Carson! The stock market threatens to go belly up, And the whole freaking nation’s obsessed with a cup!

Cursed Cups

There are Scrooges making Cratchits sing the bleak December blues. There are Grinches stealing Christmas from the unsuspecting Whos. There are nasty Mr. Potters out to bleed the paupers dry, And now it’s evil Starbucks making baby Jesus cry! They’ve simplified their Christmas cups to basic red and green, Though the Bible tells us Jesus [...]

A Royal Celebration

Hail to the Royals, the victors in Gotham! We’ll hoist a blue banner and join the parade! The crowd will get raucous for Cain and Moustakas, For Gordon and Hosmer, Yordano and Wade! Our offense was truly a twelfth-inning terror. For every Mets error, we knew we would score. Our tenacity punished the hubris of [...]

Horror from Above

Japan was repeatedly stomped by Godzilla. New York had its troubles with Kong the gorilla. Count Dracula terrorized parts of Romania, But now there’s the Blimp that Destroyed Pennsylvania! Its horrible tentacles reach to the ground. Whole cities are threatened and power lines downed. It can ravage and mutilate, shatter and smash, While consuming three [...]

Straight Shooter

I’m a guardian of justice And I keep my eyeballs peeled. My heart is filled with courage And my weapon is concealed. If I think you look suspicious, You’d be smart to cut and run. I’m the champion of the innocent, A good guy with a gun! I’m a fearless freedom fighter. I support the [...]

Disturbing Dump

October is on us. The banshees are howling. The werewolves are loose and the zombies are prowling. And yet the great horror of this Halloween Is the Whopper that renders your excrement green! It’s the stuff of your nightmares, but nonetheless true That Burger King’s putting the “Boo!” in your poo. Was a scientist ever [...]

Call Me Conflicted.

Dear Caitlyn, congrats on your bold transformation! You’re rocking the cover of Vanity Fair! And yet I applaud you with some hesitation For (pardon the metaphor) growing a pair. Because of your courage, your goose is ungandered, Your Mickey is Minnied, your guyhood is girled. But your beauty has set an impossible standard For all [...]

Farewell, Mr. Spock

Farewell, Mr. Spock. Your demise was a shock. You lived long and prospered, But ran out the clock. We’ll miss your expressions of sheer fascination, Your stoic demeanor of deep contemplation. We solemnly mourn with the whole Federation. We bid you farewell, Mr. Spock. Farewell, Mr. Spock, Whom no Klingon could mock, The sort of [...]

Decadent Me

If I were in power, I’m sure I’d abuse it. When given a chance at debasement, I’d choose it. I’d party with strippers and maybe a chimp. I’d make old Caligula look like a wimp! There’d always be orgies outside in my grotto, And “Born to be freaky” would serve as my motto! What booze [...]

PSYcle of Fame

When your song’s the new sensation And your video’s gone viral, When you’ve rocketed to global fame, Beware the downward spiral! If you think the praise and accolades Will last for quite a while, Your forgotten past will soon come back To screw you, Gangnam style! Now perhaps you spoke in anger Or you’d had [...]