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Category Archives: News

Really Close Encounters

The aliens are stalking Dr. Hawking. The direst of his dreams has come to pass. With weird, unearthly gibbering and squawking They’ll go all “Mars Attacks” upon his ass. He tried to give terrestrials a warning. They wrote him off as silly or insane. And so they’ll catch him unawares some morning And feast upon [...]

Song of the Bleeding Obvious

A dollar is a hundred cents. A chicken has no lips. Waiters tend to take offense When given lousy tips. William Shatner overacts. June comes after may. Politicians skew the facts And Ricky Martin’s gay!

Big Meal

The chefs who’ve prepared The Last Supper Have doubled the mass of their dishes. With their huge appetizers They’re true super-sizers. They’ve multiplied bread loaves and fishes! The disciples are practically bursting, So they gently explain to the waiter, “It’s his body we eat, But by now we’re replete! Can you box up a little [...]

Greek Drama

The workers are striking in Greece, From Athens to Thessaloniki! Each cruise ship and tanker Is lying at anchor. No chef is preparing tzatziki! Prime Minister George Papandreou Is feeling a trifle unsteady. Observing the strikes, He was heard to say, “Yikes! Can it really be Thursday already?”

Rushian Roulette

You’re out on a limb, Mr. Limbaugh. You’ve offended the left and the right. Your oafish orations on aid to the Haitians Have stunned both the black and the white! You’ve achieved what’s eluded Obama: Made the bickering parties agree. You’re out on a limb, Mr. Limbaugh, And quite possibly out of your tree!

No Required Reading

Little Sarah Palin couldn’t name a mag she read. She didn’t keep a “Newsweek” or a “Time” beside her bed. Neither “Harpers” nor “The Nation” ever made her reading list, Nor the one with all the fancy words, that darned “Economist!” She never looked at “Fortune” for the latest on the stocks. Which made her [...]

Lame “Duck!”

When Bush made an unannounced trip to Eye-rack, A native reporter was blowing his stack. Removing his Reebocks, he launched an attack   And missed by two inches or three. The president sidestepped the enemy fire, Responding with humor, not rancor or ire. But I’ve got to assume he concealed a desire   To let fly with [...]

Trouble Brewing

“Anheuser-Busch InBev announced Monday it  would cut some 1,400 U.S. jobs.” –Associated Press  Come senators and congressmen,   it’s time to start a push For fast and lavish bailout funds   to aid Anheuser-Busch. Okay, they may be foreign-owned.   That’s neither there nor here. We can’t survive the downturn   if there isn’t any beer!

And a Flag is Thrown!

Orenthal, oh Orenthal, Your long-awaited, fated fall Is trumpeted in papers   from the Journal to Der Spiegel. Your playbook seemed so very shrewd, But now you’re altogether screwed. You got away with murder, dude,   but theft is still illegal!

An Erotic Tale

“Police say a Michigan man has been arrested after ‘receiving sexual favors from a vacuum’ at a car wash.” –The Saginaw News   He was a randy young horndog   whose passions were raw and obscene. She, for a couple of quarters,   was a genuine lovin’ machine! They engaged in a lustful encounter   of a kind [...]