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Category Archives: News

Choice Words

Dr. Laura Schlessinger, The Right’s beloved messenger, You’ve lately been a target of abuse. You dropped the bomb that starts with N, Repeated it ten times again, And thought, “It’s nice to have a good excuse!” You whine because you’ve taken heat, Except for Mama Grizzly’s tweet. The LSM has got you in its sights. [...]

The Defendant Speaks

I’m Badass Blagojevich!  Baby, I’m free! No rinky-dink prison could ever hold me! They couldn’t convict.  I’m as good as acquitted Of all but just one of the crimes I committed! I’ll beat ‘em despite all their sound and their fury, As long as one moron is picked for the jury!

On Behalf of the Crew, Shove It!

It was on the ninth of August.  He’d been up since very early. The cabin was oppressive and the passengers were surly. But little did they know as they descended from the sky That soon they’d feel the wrath of Angry Flight Attendant Guy! Confronted by a bitchy type, he chewed the dame a new [...]

Dying to Go Green

Friends, do you have dysentery, Typhoid fever, beriberi, Strep, e. coli, measles, mumps, Strange, unnerving cystic lumps, Gonorrhea, syphilis, The heartbreak of psoriasis, Lyme disease, the plague, rubella, Shingles, jaundice, salmonella, Flu, ebola, meningitis, Spasms rivaling St. Vitus, Whooping cough and puking jags? You should have washed your grocery bags!

McChrystal the Pistol

A commander must be disciplined, Resisting all temptation To spill remarks which might amount To insubordination. A single careless word may lead To loss of rank and glory. We seek a penalty fifty fold, We seek a penalty fifty fold, We seek a penalty fifty fold For General Stanley’s story! (Tip of the quill to [...]

The Father, Son, and Holy Smoke!

When lightning levels Jesus, It leads to pain and grief. The event may well displease us And almost strain belief! From such a freak occurrence The questions raised are odd. Does Jesus have insurance Against an act of God?     

Can We Contain It?

If Bob the Builder ran BP, No crude would now befoul the sea. He’d plug that pesky leak but good! Could he fix it?  Yes, he could! He’d confidently get it done And find a way to make it fun! But sadly, there’s no trace of Bob. Homer Simpson’s on the job!

A Greek Tragedy

One nation gave us Sophocles, The Parthenon and feta cheese, A model for democracies. For that we give it praise. But now it’s racked with crushing debts. It’s rumored on the Internets Investors’ fears and deep regrets will drain our IRAs! No comfort comes from Aristotle. I think it’s time to hoist the bottle!

Song of the Slick

We’re America’s oil men, our logo’s BP. We’re keeping this land independent and free! When the crude is offshore, it’s our duty to tap it. And some day we’re planning to learn how to cap it! Now spills are bad news.  We’re as worried as you. (We like our Filet-O-Fish sandwiches too!) But still we [...]

Sachs of What???

The nation’s esteemed and respectable papers, Reporting on Goldman’s unscrupulous capers, In quoting a memo, could never use words With any explicit connection to turds. They had to use terms like “the s-word” and “naughty” Or “word we won’t say ’cause our mouths are not potty!” Reporters can’t quote when a senator swears, Which is [...]