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Category Archives: News

Horror from Above

Japan was repeatedly stomped by Godzilla. New York had its troubles with Kong the gorilla. Count Dracula terrorized parts of Romania, But now there’s the Blimp that Destroyed Pennsylvania! Its horrible tentacles reach to the ground. Whole cities are threatened and power lines downed. It can ravage and mutilate, shatter and smash, While consuming three [...]

In Search of Total Originality

Another greater mind than mine Has sadly, badly crossed the line. When others’ works have met our eyes, It seems we’re doomed to plagiarize. A Writer’s Creed is what we need: For safety’s sake, don’t ever read! Avoid all contacts, work alone, Make sure that every thought’s your own. It might be better, truth to [...]

Responsible Journalism

In yesterday’s Journal I read that the Colonel Improperly fondled an underage hen. The Times is reporting that Snooki’s aborting And Biden’s been out having threesomes again. The Martians have landed, the Senate’s disbanded, And pediatricians now recommend booze. Rhode Island’s seceding.  Gay penguins are breeding. I love when The Onion gets picked up as [...]

Lilliputian Leader

Monsieur Hollande, Monsieur Hollande, Ze French decry how you were conned! Did you forget how Brits enjoy Ze old, ingenious photo ploy? Ze guards, with hats, stood seven-three And made you look like Mini Me! Ah, zut alors!  A brilliant coup! Hollande, you’ve met your Waterloo!

Bin Laden in Hell

Where are my soft and luxurious couches? Where are my virgins in scanty attire? Where is my wine in its solid gold pitchers, And what’s with the sulfur, the brimstone and fire? I recruited young martyrs, degraded all women, I warred against infidels, killed them en masse. So where’s my reward for my service to [...]

Don’t Let the Door Hit You!

Goodbye, Mr. Beck. A reality check Has determined your show Is a shark-jumping wreck! Your paranoid views On progressives and Jews Are too warped and demented For even Fox News! Your sponsors all went, For your logic was bent And your ratings had plummeted Forty percent! It’s a crime, you insist, But the network is [...]

Fighting Words

We’re patriotic warriors across the USA. We invoke the “blood of tyrants” in the words of Thomas J. We’ve got ‘em in our crosshairs, yes, we’re loaded and we’re locked, But when someone pulls the trigger, then we’re shocked, shocked, shocked! We love the Constitution and the old red, white and blue. Our remedy for [...]

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Comedy Stylings of Juan Williams!

I just flew in from Washington And boy was it a pain! There’s a lot that makes me nervous When I’m getting on a plane! They’ll give me sixteen inches For my twenty-two-inch butt. They’ll be out of Johnny Walker, I can feel it in my gut! On my left will be a cretin Droning [...]

Up in Smoke

In a rare act of sanity, God-Fearing Man Announces he’s not going to burn the Koran. It’s a righteous decision.  We hope that it sticks. But what will the media do for their kicks?

Miss Perfect

If I had never done a thing Resulting in reproach and shame, Had never had a sordid fling Or cheated in a poker game Or looked at dirty magazines Or uttered “Damn!” or something worse, Then I could be Miss Philippines, But wouldn’t make Miss Universe!