Thursday, August 12, 2010
Perhaps you stayed up half the night
To get your smart phone working right,
Or maybe you were playing games
Or generating rock band names
Or harvesting your Farmville fruit
Or making Zwinkies extra cute
Or wasting time on Google Chat.
Exhausted? There’s a nap for that!
My laptop is my constant friend.
It’s with me all the day.
It brings me news, The Onion’s views,
And ads for Tanqueray.
I revel in the clever apps
It easily installs.
Yet I still can’t help but wonder
What it’s doing to my balls.
Neurologists have diagnosed
a loss of concentration
As gadgetry rewires our brains
for byte-size information.
Forget Recherche du Temps Perdu,
Ulysses, Moby Dick…
Our atrophied attention spans
will leave us much too thick!
So next time, give the Net a miss.
Unless, of course, you’re reading this.
They said that in the future
we’d be driving flying cars;
We’d have robotic butlers
and vacation homes on Mars;
We’d travel at the speed of light
on zippy little scooters.
But mostly we just buy the latest
cell phones and computers.
With every new advance, I feel
a bit more apprehensive.
The Internet is cool, but damn!
The future is expensive!
Informer, adviser, community-shaper,
I mourn the demise of the old-fashioned paper.
It uses up trees and the ink often runs,
But you can’t line a bird cage with zeros and ones!
It eats the page; it’s always out of ink.
It clatters like a ‘60 Chevy van.
It flashes lights to say, “I’m on the blink!”
Whenever I’ve a document to scan.
It’s engineered to torture souls, I think,
By demons or perhaps the Taliban!
It mocks me when I think I’ve got it mastered.
My printer is a sick, sadistic bastard!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Chillaxing on the sofa now,
watching Biggest Loser.
Now I’m at McGinty’s
with my buddy Bill the Boozer.
Cleaning out my earwax now,
and now I’m on the shitter,
Wondering why no one wants
to follow me on Twitter.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
You can set up a filter with folders to store it,
Report the abuser or simply ignore it
Or change your address. Will it help? No, it won’t.
You’re spammed if you do and you’re spammed if you don’t!