A skinny, scrawny alien,
A wiry little wisp,
Came bearing peace and cereal.
His name, of course, was Quisp.
He brought us healthful vitamins
From A on down through D,
And his added shot of sugar
Gave us Quazy Energy!
It was shaped like flying saucers,
Not some dull and boring flake.
(Though it’s possible some dweeb or nerd
Preferred his rival Quake!)
Now he’s largely left [...]
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
For seventeen years I’ve been doggedly rhyming.
I’ve worked on perfecting my rhythm and timing.
I’ve written in anapests, iambs and trochees
For various readers from scholars to Okies!
I’ve memorized Seuss for his wit and his beat.
I’ve sat at Shel Silverstein’s metrical feet!
I’ve tried to be clever and sometimes profound.
And what gets an audience? ”Pants On the Ground!”
They gave us “D’oh,” the Flaming Moe,
and Duff’s delicious brew,
Mr. Plow, “Don’t have a cow,”
McBain and Snowball II,
The wit of Bart, the Quik-E-Mart,
and Brockman’s news reports.
A world without the Simpsons? Hey,
I’d rather eat my shorts!
A certain Private Wilhelm
bit the dust in ‘53
When an Injun shot an arrow
and it struck him near the knee.
He bellowed out a scream of pain.
The rest is history.
For somehow Wilhelm’s scream lived on
in shrill and shrieking tones.
It was heard upon the Death Star
and again among the Clones.
The scream rang out in Middle Earth,
in Narnia and [...]
If I could have an avatar
I’d join the Na’vi crew.
My spirit would be blissful
though my body would be blue.
My life would be a tad bizarre
if I could have an avatar.
I’d learn the ancient customs
with a hottie as my guide.
I’d choose a flying dinosaur
to be my awesome ride.
I’d ditch my Earth-polluting car
if I could have an [...]
Thursday, January 15, 2009
If I were young
And rather dumb
And goofed on doobies,
Gin and rum,
And only cared
For looking hip,
Then maybe I’d
Ghost-ride the whip.
Viva Coldplay! Tell us please
what makes you so appealing.
Exotic keys and harmonies?
Just what are you concealing?
Superb technique and expertise?
Come on, once more with stealing!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
In ur hamper! On ur sheetz!
In ur sammich, eatin’ meatz!
“I haz powerz!” “I haz style!”
It wuz cute 4 little while.
Gettin’ kinda old? An’ how!
Can kittehs pleez B ovr now?
Mr. Shatner, William Shatner,
You were great as Captain Kirk
With your hammy overacting
And your ever-present smirk.
You tried your hand at music then,
Recording “Rocket Man”
Which was shocking in its cheesiness,
And I was quite a fan!
But now it seems that all your shtick
Is bluster and verbosity,
From classic rock performances
To ads for Travelocity.
Okay, you’ve got your money
And two Emmys [...]