A quick, easy treat for the summery weather:
Mix flour and sugar and butter together,
Then add in a couple of eggs, slightly beaten,
A dash of vanilla to flavor and sweeten
Plus soda for making the batter less heavy.
Then bake in the back of a ‘69 Chevy.
I want a chupacabra.
It would be the coolest pet!
Though admittedly they’re ugly,
They’re low-maintenance, I’ll bet!
It would feed on unsuspecting goats
Or now and then a cow,
So I’d never have to spend a buck
On Chupacabra Chow!
It would mostly stay in hiding
When it wasn’t busy biting
And would often go a year or more
Without a single sighting.
It could keep [...]
Old man upon the oatmeal box
With triple chin and silver locks,
Reveal to me — and tell the truth –
The foibles of your reckless youth.
Did you succumb to gin and rum?
Is “Bite me” inked upon your bum?
Did you keep ganja in your locker?
Deflower young Miss Betty Crocker?
Come clean now, gentle Oatmeal Guy.
I’ve seen the twinkle in [...]
When a book or a song
or a movie’s a hit,
There’s no higher praise
than to say it’s “the shit!”
Yes, “shit” can mean something
quite different from “crap.”
The definite article
makes it a snap!
It’s the magic of language,
which simply won’t quit!
It’s truly — you guessed it –
the absolute shit!
My cousin Wayne licks hubcaps.
He roofed his house with gypsum.
He tries to peddle screenplays
That he writes in lorem ipsum.
He often goes to Goldman Sachs
For sound financial planning.
He’s full of great ideas
Since he started self-trepanning.
Today I’ll write of epic wars,
Of jelly beans and toffee;
Of evil robots, football scores,
Of Hitler and Gaddafi.
I’ll write of Emerson and Poe,
Of Larry, Curly, yes, and Moe,
Of Stewart’s brilliant Daily Show,
Of Lindsay Lohan snorting blow,
Of politicians’ quid pro quo,
Of how to tame a Wendigo,
And any other thing I know,
Not caring if it’s apropos.
I’m jacked on [...]
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
When a face has appeared on a pancake
Or a rock or the trunk of a tree
With long, flowing hair,
A compassionate stare
And the tiniest wisp of goatee,
The features are haunting yet gentle,
And the kindly expression may please us.
The picture’s amazing
And worthy of praising,
But how do you know that it’s Jesus?
Fred the Easter Island head
Is boorish, rude and quite ill-bred.
He belches loudly, snorts and spits.
He shouts at tourists, “Show your tits!”
He says, with total lack of class,
“I’d cut one if I had an ass!”
His neighbors wish that they were dead
Instead of anchored next to Fred.
To their complaints he answers, “Phooey!”
Such is life in Rapa Nui.