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Category Archives: Random weirdness

Demented Dreams

(With a Nod to Winsor McCay) I dreamed that I was River Dancing, Prancing with the Keystone Cops. Cap’n Crunch was there depantsing Popeye’s pet Triceratops. Then Gandhi did a Fred Astaire bit, Brandishing a shrunken head. Nevermore will I eat rarebit Just before I go to bed!  

Invisible Man

A lonely figure in the crowd, Concealed as if beneath a shroud, In open sight, yet seldom viewed, Exists in public solitude. Perhaps his soul is racked with care, With quiet angst and bleak despair. He finds this empty life grotesque, Devoid of meaning, Kafkaesque. And so he skulks in dull ennui, Good looking, yet [...]

A Real Cutup

I’m sure it’s fun to throw your voice, But frankly, if I had a choice, I’d learn a rarer, subtler art By which I’d deftly throw my fart! My bottom belch would seem to boom From far across a crowded room. I’d let it rip with careless glee, And heads would turn, but not toward [...]

A Tragic Tale

When Willie was crossing at Seventh and Main, He somehow just never caught sight of the train. He neglected the horn, he was deaf to the bell. His brain fart was silent, but deadly as hell!

Getting Prepared

My friends and my neighbors all mock me and laugh When I’m honing my skills with my crossbow and staff. But I don’t let it irk me.  I know I improve With each repetition of each killer move! And meanwhile, my weapons are top-of-the-line. When the zombies attack, the last laugh will be mine!

Cap’n Courageous

Bold sailors were we on a two percent sea, A right jolly and nautical bunch. The first mate was Willie, the bosun was Billy, Our captain Horatio M. Crunch. We’d lend him our ears and he’d scuttle our fears When conditions were stormy or foggy. “If the Guppy should sink, you’ll be dunked in the [...]

Flogging a Dead Rhyme

To get the ball rolling, I’m sly as a fox. I’m fit as a fiddle. I’m strong as an ox. My head’s in the game And my foot’s in the door. I’m one in a million. I’m truly top-drawer! I’m rich as a king, Though I’m not made of money. If flies are a problem, [...]

Summer Recipe

A quick, easy treat for the summery weather: Mix flour and sugar and butter together, Then add in a couple of eggs, slightly beaten, A dash of vanilla to flavor and sweeten Plus soda for making the batter less heavy. Then bake in the back of a ’69 Chevy.  

Beware of Beast

I want a chupacabra. It would be the coolest pet! Though admittedly they’re ugly, They’re low-maintenance, I’ll bet! It would feed on unsuspecting goats Or now and then a cow, So I’d never have to spend a buck On Chupacabra Chow! It would mostly stay in hiding When it wasn’t busy biting And would often [...]

Old man upon the oatmeal box With triple chin and silver locks, Reveal to me — and tell the truth – The foibles of your reckless youth. Did you succumb to gin and rum? Is “Bite me” inked upon your bum? Did you keep ganja in your locker? Deflower young Miss Betty Crocker? Come clean [...]