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Category Archives: Science

Prophet Motive

O great Mr. Silver! O marvelous Nate! Infallible wizard of FiveThirtyEight! You blew all our minds with the stats you were droppin’ And left the Republicans wailing, “Wha’ happen?” But honestly, now that you’re on such a roll, Why stop at some boring political poll? I’m dying to hear your oracular views On pork belly [...]

Spare Parts

I read that doctors grew an ear upon a woman’s arm. So I think I’ll start a business and become an organ farm! You need a nose? A tongue? A toe? Perhaps you need a thumb. For a very modest one-time fee, I’ll grow one on my bum! I’ll grow a nipple if you like. [...]

Better Living Through Genetics!

Whenever I eat cheesy fries Or nacho chips or Cheerios, A little voice inside me cries, “You know you’re eating GMOs!” My sandwich bread makes herbicide. My coffee keeps the bugs away. My peanut butter’s modified With pterodactyl DNA! My cantaloupes have turtle feet, My meats and veggies recombine. They say we all are what [...]

Geek Chic

Hats off to NASA Mohawk Guy! No bulky specs, no narrow tie, You represent the JPL With passion, brains, and tons of gel! In viral praises, short and terse, You soar across the Twitterverse. You’ve rocked your look, pursued your dreams. You’re now enshrined among the memes!

Rough Neighborhood

The joyriding Martians are getting their kicks. They’ve discovered a rover way out in the sticks. They screech and do donuts, they go into skids. They’re a bunch of damn hoodlums, those little green kids! They wake all the neighbors with loud, drunken squeals As they take a tight corner on only two wheels. Then [...]

A Love to Die For

The tale is one of bliss and woe. Two hapless lovers long ago, Entwined in passion’s sweet embrace, Were lost — yet not without a trace! Their love’s preserved eternally. The fossil record holds the key. In mad desire, they risked their necks For prehistoric turtle sex!

Elusive Glory

I wish I’d been chosen to find the Higgs boson. What wonders I’d witness, what secrets I’d learn! In spellbinding lectures with facts, not conjectures, I’d silence the skeptics and wow ‘em at CERN! I’d read from my article touting my particle. “Key to creation!” I’d say. “Yin and yang!” The geeks would be gawking.¬† [...]

The Infamous Monty Hall Problem

It’s confused the cognoscenti, For the logic is a bitch! When Monty makes the offer, Should you stay or should you switch? In this hard-to-crack conundrum Lies the beauty of the game. When a “zonk” has been uncovered, Can the odds remain the same? You may think they’re fifty-fifty, But your chance is still a [...]

Cruising for a Big Bang

Dr. Hawking, Dr. Hawking, Your remarks are truly shocking! A creator wasn’t needed For the universe, you say. Those entities you’re knocking Don’t take kindly to your mocking. There’ll be coal inside your stocking On this coming Christmas Day! Dr. Hawking, Dr. Hawking, Hear those theologians squawking! They’re exclaiming, “Gosh!” and “Darn it!” (Which is [...]

Another World

Two thousand light years distant, Round a star called Kepler-9 There spins an earth-like planet Of a promising design. If higher life’s survived the droughts, Volcanos and diseases, It may be ¬†full of Starbucks, Chick-fil-A’s and Chuck E. Cheeses. Perhaps one day we’ll travel there, And not to offer battle, But just to give them [...]