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Category Archives: Grammatical Gripes

Pronoun Fail

I’ve read the grammars front to back, But still I’ve got no clue Why standard English has to lack A plural form of “you.” It seems that someone dropped the ball, Which frankly has me bugged. The South quite gamely offered “y’all,” But Northerners just shrugged. And “youse,” of course, is widely dissed Except for [...]

Grammatical Gripe #5

There’s little left but gloom and doom For proper use of “who” and “whom.” Those using “whom” to show they’re bright Can never seem to get it right! The admin, cheerful yet appalling, Asks politely, “Whom is calling?” A few applied themselves in school And say, “Who’s there?” (unlike a fool), But oh!  What angst [...]

Grammatical Gripe #4

From supermarket circulars   to little private notes, There’s a rampant epidemic   of unnecessary quotes!  Beware of “dog,” the placard warns.   No “Loitering.”  ”Wet” Paint. The coffee’s “Fresh ‘N’ Tasty.”   (Are they hinting that it ain’t?) For those who find it “difficult”   I’ll “try” to make it “plain.” Quotations aren’t for emphasis.   Now get that through [...]

Grammatical Gripe #3

“Women, who are pregnant,   shouldn’t use the thermal tub.” So reads the helpful warning   at the local fitness club. So every woman everywhere   is soon to be a mama? Unless that’s what you meant to say,   then LEARN TO USE A COMMA!  

Grammatical Gripe #2

My wife and I may work or play. My wife and I may loaf all day. But dude, no matter how you try, You’ll never see my wife and I!  When I’m the subject, “I” is right. “I need a drink.”  (I think I might!) So why is it so hard to see That as [...]

Grammatical Gripe #1

I’d rather shave a feral cat   or eat a roach soufflé, I’d rather tell a biker dude   his skull tattoo is gay. I’d rather birth an elephant   without an epidural Than see a damned apostrophe   disfiguring a plural!