Skip to content

Category Archives: Daily Life

Song of the Open Road

The Interstate is oh, so long, The coffee plentiful and strong, And though my swelling bladder’s weak, There’s little time to take a leak. The scenery goes whizzing by. (If it can whiz, then why can’t I?) Alas, to think what I’d be fined For leaving trucker bombs behind!

Your Call Is Impotent To Us

Press One for billing inquiries. For new accounts, press Eighty. To hear this list en español, Please presiona siete. To hear Vivaldi once again, Press any key, then star. To spend more time in menu hell, Press F-U-B-A-R!

Just Five Seconds a Day!

Those fancy new ellipticals With TV sets installed Have changed my fitness regimen. I’m thoroughly enthralled! My intense aerobic workout Is complete before it starts. I tune in Beck or Hannity – My heart rate’s off the charts! 

Fine Print

Informer, adviser, community-shaper, I mourn the demise of the old-fashioned paper. It uses up trees and the ink often runs, But you can’t line a bird cage with zeros and ones!

Taking a Break

Bill drank his Budweiser. Jan sipped chablis. He watched “Survivor” while she preferred “Glee.” They listened to music on two different stations. And that’s how the Browns spent their separate staycations.

Straight Man’s Lament

Today you can never say “Swinging the bat,” Or  ”longer and harder,” Or “can’t swallow that!” Or “Wow, that’s ginormous!” Or “up to my chin” Or “I need a stiff one” Or “can’t fit you in” Or “raising the high bar” Or “eating in bed” Without someone snickering, “That’s what SHE said!”

The Spring of our Discontent

Winter is gone and I’m cutting the lawn. The crabgrass is boldly declaring, “It’s on!” The foxtail is growing, the pollen is blowing, My sinuses drip and I’m not finished mowing. The bees in the clover are waiting to sting. Yardwork’s the weed in the garden of spring!

Thinking Inside the Book

The suits have read the latest book With insights quite far-ranging. It’s value-added, cutting-edge, They’d even say GAME-CHANGING! It leverages best practices, It benchmarks excellence. It champions global strategies And oh, how it incents! To read such gold is quite a perk. It’s what they do instead of work.

Environmentally Semiconscious

I buy those canvas grocery bags, Just like I ought to do. It sends a message to my friends: “I’m way more green than you.” The Earth is near catastrophe, And I don’t want to cause it. And so I shop with pride — Oh crap, I left them in the closet!

Road Outrage

When cruising on the Interstate, The guy I most abominate Is that obnoxious S.O.B. Who tries to pass at 70, Thus giving me no end of pain By blocking up the left-hand lane And breeding hatred in my soul By screwing up my cruise control!