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Category Archives: Daily Life

Pit Stop

I’ve seen motorists swerving while swigging their beer. I’ve seen crushed armadillos and dead, rotting deer. But the worst thing I’ve seen on a cross-country drive Is the Texaco men’s room off I-65! There are butts in the urinal, stains in the sink! You open a stall, and good Lord, what a stink! There’s scum [...]

Summer Scream

It’s a hundred and six in the shade, by God! A hundred and six in the shade! It’s hotter than any blue blazes by far. I’m frying up eggs on the hood of my car. It’s a record, but someone keeps raising the bar! It’s a hundred and six in the shade! I feel like [...]

Daredevil

There are those who walk on burning coals To get their fix of thrills, While others jump from speeding planes (Which all too often kills). But I’ve got something more extreme To give my life its zing. I simply have my residence In Kansas in the spring! It’s a perilous activity, As risky as it [...]

Suburban Spring

Liquid weeder, Fescue feeder, Ortho for a healthy lawn! Sod and filler, Crabgrass killer, Turf enhancer, Grub-B-Gon! Whacker, blower, Mulching mower, EZ-Seed for instant grass. Deep aeration, Soil hydration. Yard in April: Pain in ass!

Friendly Neighborhood Pest

Roofer dude who rings my bell, What tales of pain and woe you tell Of damage done by wind and ice, And you’ll inspect for free. (How nice!) It’s entertainment for my mind To guess what horrors you would find. Perhaps the flashing’s rusted through, The shingles cracked and crooked too. The decking’s bad as [...]

Hotter and Hotter

The temperature’s a hundred two. I feel like I’m on fire. It seems there’s little left to do But crank the AC higher, Releasing extra greenhouse gas And heat the world to cool my ass. 

House Poor

The roof needs replacing, The plumbing is leaky, There’s mold in the walls And the floorboards are creaky. The wiring is faulty. The overhead flashes. A house is a thief, And it knows where your cash is! 

Can Run, Can’t Hide

I’m trying to hide from my neighbor, Though it’s slightly neurotic behavior. For once we’re together, He’ll chat about weather, Then share a few thoughts on our Savior. I avoid him like yesterday’s coffee, Like rancid roast beef or salami. So I’ll slip round the edge Of this nicely-placed hedge, Then into my hou– Crap, [...]

A Summer Limerick

I’m a cretin, a dolt and a fool! In my desperate attempt to stay cool, I’m plunging right in Where the kiddies have been, And I know what they do in the pool!

Car Talk

My mechanic says my fleegle joints Are just about to go. My prog nuts need replacing, Which is serious, you know! My gribbers are furshmickled And my spiffons all need collars, Which explains why every time I drive, I leak a thousand dollars! He says I need a blorger And a new McClellan fan. Well, [...]