Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Dear Facebook friend, your latest post
Is even more obscure than most.
You start it with a cryptic “You,”
Which begs the reader’s question, “Who?”
What follows then, oblique, abstruse,
Makes Pynchon look like Dr. Seuss!
It’s obfuscation at its best.
Am I supposed to be impressed?
I’ve seen the cutest kittehs
And the wacky treadmill dance.
I’ve LOL’d at Trololo
And Hitler’s countless rants.
The classic Numa Numa song
Still haunts my every dream.
The Internet is now the world,
And life is but a meme.
“I’ve forged a creation more lasting than bronze,”
Said the poet whose odes had gone viral
In the town on the Tiber when nothing was Cyber
And writing was mostly papyral.
But modern-day e-authors write in the Cloud,
Where trillions of memes must compete,
Where verses can claim half a second of fame
And are gone with the next coming tweet.
I’m now a fan of raisin bran,
Hurricanes, Uzbekistan,
Watermelon, comets, curling,
Pounding Jaeger bombs and hurling,
Chopsticks, dirt, Italian ice,
The Elgin Marbles, body lice,
Chunk light tuna in the can…
If it’s on Facebook, I’m a fan!
When life gets tense, a bit off-kilter,
I find escape in Metafilter.
I hobnob there with cybergeeks,
Web designers, gaming freaks,
Ska musicians, math professors,
Artists, cooks and window-dressers.
I see the most amazing comics,
Hot debates on economics,
Classic photos culled from “Life,”
Shatner crooning “Mack the Knife,”
An interview with Colonel Klink,
Perhaps a Single YouTube Link
About a gay Samoan quilter.
Damn, I love my [...]
I’d likely meet a stripper
With the body of a troll
Or a Bible-thumping Jesus freak
Who’s out to save my soul,
A goth with too much attitude,
A biker dude who’s well tattooed
And fat and drunk and bare-ass nude
Upon the toilet bowl!
How wasted would I have to get
To try my luck at Chat Roulette?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
It’s time to change Facebook around!
We’ll rebuild the whole thing from the ground!
Your pokes, applications
And group invitations
Were simply too easily found!
The revamp of Two Thousand Ten
Is the coolest since we-don’t-know-when!
Though you’ll tell us to shove it,
You’ll soon learn to love it.
And that’s when we’ll change it again!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
I’m nuts about Factory Farmville!
It’s a game where the fun never stops.
To begin, all you need
Is some chemical feed
From genetically modified crops!
The livestock in Factory Farmville
Are confined in the best of conditions.
Who cares if the smell
Is like hog turds from hell
If you’ve greased all the right politicians?
There are gifts you can give to your neighbors,
Like [...]
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Chillaxing on the sofa now,
watching Biggest Loser.
Now I’m at McGinty’s
with my buddy Bill the Boozer.
Cleaning out my earwax now,
and now I’m on the shitter,
Wondering why no one wants
to follow me on Twitter.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
I just received a friend request
From someone known as David West.
I really never would have guessed
I’d hear from him again.
I sort of halfway knew the guy
Way back in Lincoln Junior High.
We’re back in touch, it seems, but why?
I never liked him then!