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Category Archives: The Internet

Share This, Or You’re a Murderer!

Facebook Friends, I read somewhere About a girl who needs a prayer. She drank some water off in Spain, And now there’s cancer in her brain. She then contracted beriberi, Then Ebola (very scary!), West Nile virus, whooping cough, And after that, her butt fell off! Her pustules smell like rotten egg. She suffers gout [...]

Death of a Gag

The secret of a meme’s success Is instant recognition. And yet it entertains us less With every repetition. A formula, when rightly used, Is trendy, fresh and clever. The thousandth time, we’re still amused. “It rocks!” said no one ever.

Have I Got a Bargain for You!

Times are bad, I’m sure you know. I’m busted! Everything must go! Step right up, let’s make a deal. Amazing bargains! What a steal! Lowest prices! Almost free! Am I crazy? Possibly! Gotta sell, ’cause I’m in hock. PLEASE, just buy my Facebook stock!

Enough Already!

Zynga, Zynga, what’s your thing-a? How much spam do you have to bring-a? Poker and Cityville invitations Givin’ me fits and palpitations! “A friend in Farmville sent you a hoe!” “Post all moves on your Timeline?” No!!! Zynga, Zynga, overkill king-a, Don’t blame me for givin’ the finga!

Exercises in Futility

I fear that if I swam the seas Or foiled a vile, ingenious plot Or freed the world of all disease, My efforts all would go for nought. If I had won the Powerball, Unearthed a priceless Roman vase, Or even built the Taj Mahal Or blown the Death Star up in space Or crossed [...]

Geek Chic

Hats off to NASA Mohawk Guy! No bulky specs, no narrow tie, You represent the JPL With passion, brains, and tons of gel! In viral praises, short and terse, You soar across the Twitterverse. You’ve rocked your look, pursued your dreams. You’re now enshrined among the memes!

Cybertopia

When Google Fiber comes to town, I’ll be one happy dude. The kittehs will be cuter And the hotties twice as nude! Then Twitter will be trouble-free, We’ll all have Facebook privacy, And YouTube movies in 3-D Will instantly be viewed! I’ll never set my laptop down Once Google Fiber comes to town!

My Idol

I wish that I were Honey Badger, Rough and rugged, wild and free. Munching cobras, fighting jackals, What a badass I would be! Sadly, I’m a lowly human, Full of worries, fears and doubts. Is my mortgage underwater? Should I eat more Brussels sprouts? Will the price of gas keep rising? Will it be Barack [...]

Language Lover

I’d like to know more Spanish. It’s a lively tongue to speak. I’ve dabbled in Italian, and I still retain some Greek. I’ve even messed with Klingon like a total language nerd, But lately I’ve been picking up a little ERMAHGERD. I’ve learned to say, “GERD MERNING” just from reading basic BERKS. I can order [...]

Foods To Eat Before You Die

The Facebook foodies’ challenge list Has left me ruing all I’ve missed! Oh sure, I’ve tasted caviar, Lox and bagels, steak tartare, Haggis, fugu, sukiyaki, Prickly pear, gazpacho, Pocky, Drippings from a chocolate fountain, Oysters (plain and Rocky Mountain), Churros, burros, oxtail soup, And coffee gleaned from civet poop! I’ve even dared to eat a [...]