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Category Archives: Holidays

Carol of the Bills

The holiday’s over, The money is spent And Visa’s demanding Its twenty percent. My palms have grown sweaty, My eye starts to twitch. My Christmas was merry, But payback’s a bitch!

Ho-Ho-Ohhhhh….

Take some Alka-Seltzer, Santa, Gaviscon and Maalox too. Pepto-Bismol and Mylanta, Gas-X tablets you can chew! Seven billion cakes and cookies Make a less-than-jolly elf. Such mistakes are made by rookies. Next year, learn to pace yourself! MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY!!!

Season’s Shriekings

“They’re waging war on Christmas!” cries the blowhard on TV. “They’ll scuttle your Nativity, they’ll confiscate your tree! They’ll set your holly wreaths ablaze. They’ll torture anyone who prays. They’ll wish you ‘Happy Holidays’ because it’s more PC!” “They’re waging war on Christmas!” screams the prophet of the right. “They hate the baby Jesus, they’re [...]

The First Bad Christmas Gift

Gold and Frankincense and Myrrh? To whom would gifts like these occur For bringing to a child too young to prattle? Forgive me if I sermonize, But if those Men were truly Wise, I think they would have brought the boy a rattle!

Oy to the World

The strains of Bach and Handel make our spirits warm and bright. The First Noel’s a charming air, and so is Silent Night. But for jolly tunes and lyrics that will tickle and amuse, The merriest of Christmas songs are those composed by Jews! Berlin knocked out White Christmas by the light of his menorah, [...]

Year View Mirror 2009

This is the annual end-of-year verse I write for the Shoebox blog.  To see it with cool illustrations by several talented Shoebox artists, please go here.  In fact, go there anyway.  It’s where a lot of funny people post a lot of funny stuff. Year View Mirror The Year 2009 in Rhyme Let’s drink to [...]

Christmas Ate my Homework!

The holidays were overbooked With hasty packing, plane connections, Shopping, shipping, dinners cooked, And rushed, last-minute gift selections. Time, it seems, just blew right by. I can’t imagine where it went! And that, my pushy friend, is why I haven’t read the book you sent.    

Attainable Goals for 2009

Resolved: I’ll fight no grizzly bears, Won’t climb the Matterhorn in Crocs. I’ll have no hot but cheap affairs With Kirsten Dunst and Megan Fox. I won’t be pressured by my peers To join the Crips or Rosicrucians. And though I’ve failed in other years, I may just keep these resolutions!  

Year-View Mirror: 2008 in Rhyme

The following year-end verse was written for the Shoebox Greetings blog, where you can see it complete with brilliant illustrations by humor artist Dick Daniels.  Hope you enjoy it! The year of ’08, without doubt or debate, Was a bumpy and turbulent ride From the stock market thing to the smog in Beijing To the [...]

Merry Melee

By one day after Christmas The merriment wears thin. Relations bring up old regrets Like childhood pranks and unpaid debts, And after heated tete-a-tetes Hostilities begin. The leading folklore experts say That’s why they call it Boxing Day.