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Category Archives: Holidays

Enough Already!

Syria’s burning. There’s strife in Ukraine. Iraq is a mess. California needs rain. There’s racism coupled with riots and arson. Republicans might even nominate Carson! The stock market threatens to go belly up, And the whole freaking nation’s obsessed with a cup!

Cursed Cups

There are Scrooges making Cratchits sing the bleak December blues. There are Grinches stealing Christmas from the unsuspecting Whos. There are nasty Mr. Potters out to bleed the paupers dry, And now it’s evil Starbucks making baby Jesus cry! They’ve simplified their Christmas cups to basic red and green, Though the Bible tells us Jesus [...]

Disturbing Dump

October is on us. The banshees are howling. The werewolves are loose and the zombies are prowling. And yet the great horror of this Halloween Is the Whopper that renders your excrement green! It’s the stuff of your nightmares, but nonetheless true That Burger King’s putting the “Boo!” in your poo. Was a scientist ever [...]

Halloween Limerick No. 7

A beastly old fellow named Hume, Taken ill, was confined to his room. As he lay on his back, He said, “Doc, you’re a quack! It’s not what I’ve eaten, but whom!”

Halloween Limerick No. 6

A crazy old hippie named Dave Caused alarm with the way he’d behave. He could often be found In a box underground, Saying, “Hey, man, I’m diggin’ this grave!”

Halloween Limerick No. 5

The surgeon said, “Let’s have some fun. My brilliance is second to none! My amazing technique Will improve your physique, For two heads are better than one!”

Halloween Limerick No. 4

The unfortunate Mortimer Ridge Took a fall from the Golden Gate Bridge. By the terms of his will, He remains with us still, For his head is preserved in the fridge.

Halloween Limerick No. 3

An evil magician named Binns Did away with his lover for grins. When the cops came around, The sole weapon they found Was a doll full of needles and pins.

Halloween Limerick No. 2

An eccentric old fellow named Fred Would exhume the remains of the dead. “It’s disgusting,” he’d say, “But I can’t disobey All the voices that shout in my head.”

Halloween Limerick No. 1

A nerdy young zombie named Baines, On a date with a girl from Des Plaines, Said, “I don’t give a hoot If you’re ugly or cute, But I do like a woman with brains!”