The Roman candles flame no more.
The rockets all have flown.
The flares and sparklers now are spent.
The cherry bombs are blown.
It’s time to put the punks away,
For now the Fourth is over,
And mop the puddle left behind
By terror-stricken Rover.
Kooky Kip puts Reddi-Wip
On everyone’s computers.
He offers plastic chips to munch
Or else a “nice Hawaiian Punch.”
He recommends a place for lunch,
And — big surprise — it’s Hooters!
It does no good to lose your cool.
The guy’s a total April tool!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Today we’re keen on wearin’ green
Across the U.S.A.
Though we be Scots or Hottentots
We’re Irish for the day!
We’ll drive our cars to Irish bars
And talk in Irish brogues
As we drain our beers and treat our ears
To ballads by the Pogues!
Valleys exalted, mountains made low,
Waters of justice that rush and flow
Like a mighty river or gushing spring,
This was the dream of Doctor King.
Righteousness rolling in thundering waves
That the sons of owners and sons of slaves
Together might work and pray and sing,
This was the dream of Doctor King.
Peace triumphant, discord stayed,
America’s promise fully paid.
From every mountain, [...]
This year I’ll write a novel
that will live throughout the ages.
Or at least a good novella
of perhaps a hundred pages.
Or a short and pithy story
if I’m really pressed for time.
Or a nicely crafted paragraph.
Or maybe just this rhyme.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
The decade brought us countless fads:
You Tube, Crocs and hanging chads,
Hockey moms, the Wii and social media.
It brought us subprime lending schemes,
Keyboard Cat and other memes,
9-11, wars, and Wikipedia.
Rampant unemployment fears,
The ups and downs of Britney Spears,
The bird flu and another known as “swine.”
The “aughts” have left us all in shock,
So I say let’s turn [...]
Monday, December 28, 2009
The holiday’s over,
The money is spent
And Visa’s demanding
Its twenty percent.
My palms have grown sweaty,
My eye starts to twitch.
My Christmas was merry,
But payback’s a bitch!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Take some Alka-Seltzer, Santa,
Gaviscon and Maalox too.
Pepto-Bismol and Mylanta,
Gas-X tablets you can chew!
Seven billion cakes and cookies
Make a less-than-jolly elf.
Such mistakes are made by rookies.
Next year, learn to pace yourself!
MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY!!!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
“They’re waging war on Christmas!”
cries the blowhard on TV.
“They’ll scuttle your Nativity,
they’ll confiscate your tree!
They’ll set your holly wreaths ablaze.
They’ll torture anyone who prays.
They’ll wish you ‘Happy Holidays’
because it’s more PC!”
“They’re waging war on Christmas!”
screams the prophet of the right.
“They hate the baby Jesus,
they’re so full of scorn and spite!
They can’t abide his virgin birth.
They’re [...]
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Gold and Frankincense and Myrrh?
To whom would gifts like these occur
For bringing to a child too young to prattle?
Forgive me if I sermonize,
But if those Men were truly Wise,
I think they would have brought the boy a rattle!