Cadmus
The naked bones of Cadmus Jones
lie peaceful in his crypt.
He mourns his fate, for he was once
robust and well-equipped.
Yet hope still springs eternal
in this sorriest of men.
He dreams that with Viagra,
his bones may rise again.
Illustration by Chris Harding
Monstrous Marriage
Milton Henry Cyclops
and Amanda June, his wife,
Anticipating married bliss,
had forty years of strife.
They had the best intentions,
but no matter how they’d try,
They never quite acquired the knack
for seeing eye to eye.
Illustration by Chris Harding
Dave
Dave is quite the Casanova,
Tall and handsome, lean and tan.
Cool, disarming, suave and charming,
Like a perfect ladies’ man.
Players often like them young,
But not our more discerning Dave.
Never one to rob the cradle,
He prefers to rob the grave!
Illustration by Chris Harding
Nancy
Nancy was the haunted kind.
She had a strangely tortured mind.
She dwelled in cancer, AIDS, Ebola;
The ill effects of Coca-Cola;
The horrors on her TV screen;
The future cost of gasoline;
The conflicts on the global stage;
The weakness sure to come with age.
At length her mind was so obsessed,
She couldn’t get a moment’s rest.
And so she had her head [...]
Morty
Morty the mummy is quick with a curse.
But when he’s out driving, it gets even worse.
An hour on the freeway will give him conniptions.
(A common complaint among undead Egyptians.)
He glares at the speeders with venom and scorn.
He swears at the slowpokes while pounding his horn.
“Get moving!” he bellows. ”Come on, look alive!”
He’s frequently heard yelling, [...]
Boris
Boris runs a small café
For those whose tastes are très outré.
They pay top dollar just to eat
His fine, exotic cuts of meat.
Their appetites are strange but hearty.
Table for the Donner party!
Illustration by Chris Harding