Cathy’s lessons:
Chocolate is a woman’s favorite snack.
A day of swimsuit shopping
can reduce a girl to “Ack!”
A man is never sensitive.
A mother always nags.
And to syndicate a comic strip,
you need at least four gags.
(To the tune of “Poor Jud is Dead“)
Poor Mitch is dead, poor Mitch Miller’s dead.
His hour is up, he’s sung his final song.
The mourners chant a dirge,
And perhaps he has the urge,
But being dead, he cannot sing along.
Poor Mitch is dead, now let the tears be shed.
He’s gone where men wear neatly-trimmed goatees,
Where a little [...]
If I were Captain James T. Kirk,
I’d be a love machine.
I’d get with every babe I met.
(So what if she was green?)
From Altair 2 to Rigel 4
I’d make my plays and always score
With Deltans, Saurians and more –
Perhaps the Vulcan queen!
Yes, random sex would be a perk
If I were Captain James T. Kirk!
I want my own MacGuffin.
It’s the thing I most desire.
I’d commit a crime to get it.
I would walk through hellish fire.
I’d intrigue with shady characters,
Although I might get shot.
In my life’s absorbing narrative,
It drives the very plot!
I’ve vowed that I will never rest
Until my quest is done.
I want my own MacGuffin.
Hey, but doesn’t everyone?
Morita-san was quite sublime
When playing the karate man.
But strangely now, at remake time,
The role has gone to Jackie Chan.
Kung fu? Karate? It’s all good!
In both you kick, in both you strike.
I guess to suits in Hollywood,
The martial arts all look alike!
Coleman ain’t talkin’ ’bout nothin’ no more,
And Hopper has kicked, so I’ve heard.
Should others now worry,
Say Cher or Tim Curry?
Or does Linkletter count at the third?
I can’t keep up with current shows.
(It’s had a social cost).
If I watched the big finale,
I’d be absolutely Lost!
But now that it’s no longer new,
I’ll put it on my Netflix queue.
I’ve seen rugged jawlines
and well-chiseled abs.
I’ve seen gooey hair gel
in generous dabs.
I’ve seen brooding faces
with full, pouty lips.
So there’s really no need
to see Twilight: Eclipse!
As long as we’re bringing the Kraken to Greece,
Let’s throw in some mobsters and crooked police!
Let’s bring in King Kong and some Injuns with arrows,
Some Mexican bandits with giant sombreros!
Some Japanese monsters that vomit up flame,
The Alien out of the film by that name.
A Wolfman, an Orc, or a Hitchcock-type Bird.
Our film is completed. Release [...]
A dollar is a hundred cents.
A chicken has no lips.
Waiters tend to take offense
When given lousy tips.
William Shatner overacts.
June comes after may.
Politicians skew the facts
And Ricky Martin’s gay!