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Category Archives: Arts and Music

Paganini!

I just got word that this old comic verse piece of mine will be printed in an upcoming book, The Violin: A Social History of the World’s Most Versatile Instrument by David Schoenbaum. Easily the classiest place my stuff has ever appeared, considering that some of my earliest publications were in “Sexy Laffs!” The illustration [...]

Perpetual Beginner

I know my chords from A to G, Though sadly, they don’t always stick. If I can practice faithfully, Perhaps some day I’ll finger pick. I’ve learned “A-Hunting We Will Go” And “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.” And soon I’ll be that guy you know Who kinda, sorta plays guitar.

Restoration Comedy

If your artwork needs restoring, I’ll be glad to volunteer. I can paint a frizzy fright wig On your Rembrandt or Vermeer. When I’m touching up a fresco, I will go the extra mile. I can add a dash of Pepsodent To Mona Lisa’s smile! I can really punch the colors In your lilies by [...]

Imagine!

Imagine a quote from the brilliant Bob Dylan. His words would be cryptic, yet poignant and deep. What treasures of wisdom that dude would be spillin’. His thoughts would take wing and his logic would leap! Imagine he spoke of sublime inspiration With all his ineffable fancies and quirks. Imagine he gave you the perfect [...]

Amadeus Unplugged

When Mozart’s young genius was still in the rough, Before he had penned his canonical stuff Like his classic quartets or the Magical Flute, He wrote a Concerto for Musical Fruit. The tones were exquisite, the harmonies rare When the soloist boldly burst forth with his air, A light, breezy piece, a delectable medley, While [...]

Canon Fodder

Pachelbel composed a ditty, Quite a catchy little strain, Hummable and rather pretty, Apt to drive you clear insane! Now he’s lying six feet under. Centuries have come and gone Since we’ve seen that one-hit wonder, Yet his earworm lingers on.

In Memoriam

Harvey Pekar, Mr. Harvey Pekar, A low-level clerk and an underground star, Your fans are in mourning, your story has ended. America now is a little less Splendid. An irascible gadfly, a stickler for truth, You were cynical, mordant, a trifle uncouth. You’d snipe at the high and you’d carp at the low, Which can [...]

I want my own MacGuffin. It’s the thing I most desire. I’d commit a crime to get it. I would walk through hellish fire. I’d intrigue with shady characters, Although I might get shot. In my life’s absorbing narrative, It drives the very plot! I’ve vowed that I will never rest Until my quest is [...]

Big Meal

The chefs who’ve prepared The Last Supper Have doubled the mass of their dishes. With their huge appetizers They’re true super-sizers. They’ve multiplied bread loaves and fishes! The disciples are practically bursting, So they gently explain to the waiter, “It’s his body we eat, But by now we’re replete! Can you box up a little [...]

Dude Looks Like a Lady!

(With apologies to Nat King Cole) Leonardo, Leonardo, they have named you As the model for the lady with the smile. Was it lust for bending gender that inflamed you, Or was wearing frilly dresses just your style? Were you out to prank your buddies, Leonardo? Did you lose a bet while on a drinking [...]