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Category Archives: Politics

The Debate In Brief

O. Tough four years, but we’ve made progress. R. Five-part plan, folks, vote for Mitt! O. He’ll cut taxes, five whole trillion! R. Not and raise the deficit! R. Growing debt’s a moral issue. O. Balance cuts with revenue. R. Dude, you’re just a job-destroyer. O. I am rubber, you are glue! O. “Entitlements” helped [...]

Free Debate Advice

For presidential also-rans, advising is in vogue. While one says, “Be your charming self,” another says, “Go rogue!” “Take on the toughest issues, but with humor, sass and pith.” “Proclaim your constant faith in God, but not in Joseph Smith!” To weigh so many varied tips, You’ve got to be astute. Would you rather flop [...]

Mr. Fix-It

When the votes are all counted and I’ve become boss, I’ll govern with wisdom and brains. I’ll scrap aviation’s absurd regulations And roll down the windows on planes! The eggheads and liberals pooh-pooh my plan. They say it’s not “prudent” or “bright.” But folks, I’m no stranger to that sort of danger, And that’s why [...]

Digging Deeper

What’s happening, Mitt? Are you playing for laughs? Are you bent on outdoing Joe Biden in gaffes? You bungled on Libya, wouldn’t repent, Then insulted a full forty-seven percent! And just as your handlers thanked God you were through, You added a dig at the Mexicans too! You want some advice? You can still make [...]

Frivolous Men

If the battiest, looniest nut job on Earth Alleges the prez is a Kenyan by birth, Then stripping the Dems of their vote is our goal! We’re Kansas Republicans. That’s how we roll! Don’t try to dissuade us with “reason” or “fact.” No claim’s too extreme if Obama’s attacked! They can say he’s Godzilla! A [...]

The Speech In Brief

Michelle, I love you.  Aren’t I lucky? Malia, Sasha, you’re just ducky! Still got school tomorrow, though. Gotta thank my buddy Joe! Ready for the big oration? I accept your nomination! Way back when, I spoke of hope. Times were tough, but still we’d cope. Eight years later, hope’s been tested. War, recession… We’re not [...]

Use Your Imagination, Hank!

Hank Williams Jr., is that all you’ve got? Obama’s a Muslim? Your story ain’t squat! Now, why be so tame when you know it’s not true? (Assuming you don’t have a grapefruit’s I.Q.!) You could say he’s the Penguin, the Riddler, the Joker! Whatever, as long as it’s not mediocre! Or say he’s a pirate [...]

Independent Candidate

I’m going to vote for Daffy Duck. With him, we just might be in luck! He’s got a certain vision and he’s not a party hack. Though some may think he’s just a goof, He’s quite assassination-proof. You shoot him and he smolders, but he always bounces back! He lives right up to all the [...]

Mitt and Clint

Said Romney to Eastwood, “That stunt was a blunder. You’ve hogged up the spotlight and stolen my thunder! The headlines are yours, and I’m kicked to the curb. Now everyone’s “Eastwooding!” Jeez, it’s a verb! That’s all they remember. It just isn’t fair. Oh, save your apologies. Talk to the chair!”

The Speech In Brief

I accept your nomination, Humbled by your approbation! Here’s Paul Ryan.  He’s the bomb. Super fella.  Loves his mom! Last election: “Change and hope.” Four years later: Better?  Nope! I’m a plain midwestern guy, Raised on good ol’ apple pie. Were we optimists?  Darn straight! Wasn’t that Neil Armstrong great? Father came from Mexico. Built [...]