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Category Archives: Food and Drink

Special Request

When I order up a sandwich On a long, commercial flight, I’m really not too fussy. I just want a decent bite. I can take or leave the mayo. I don’t mind a slice of cheese. You can add a spear of pickle too, But hold the needle please! It’s a singular aversion That I [...]

Dual Personality

Morning Me, quite conscientious, Sticks to oatmeal, nuts and flax. But Evening Me is more licentious, Pounding down the nacho snacks. Ranch Doritos, Chee-tos, Fritos, Twinkies, Processed Cheddar Food, All washed down with large mojitos. Sorry, Morning Me, you’re screwed!

Foods To Eat Before You Die

The Facebook foodies’ challenge list Has left me ruing all I’ve missed! Oh sure, I’ve tasted caviar, Lox and bagels, steak tartare, Haggis, fugu, sukiyaki, Prickly pear, gazpacho, Pocky, Drippings from a chocolate fountain, Oysters (plain and Rocky Mountain), Churros, burros, oxtail soup, And coffee gleaned from civet poop! I’ve even dared to eat a [...]

Slimy Goodness

My favorite soda’s lemon-lime. My favorite chips are corn, I think. But as for dietary slime, I’ll always take the kind that’s pink! Its subtle flavor’s quite complex, A gourmet treat that’s fine and rare, A blend of gristle, skin and necks With just a hint of derriere. It isn’t, as the critics say, A [...]

Point to Ponder

The old folks dine on chicken tenders, Twelve-ounce steaks and pork pot pies. They often go on gravy benders, Dousing grits or curly fries! Apple cobblers, huge and weighty, Put me in a pensive mood. How does anyone reach eighty When they eat Bob Evans food?

Trendy Table

Tonight I dine on tender tortellini With zesty meatballs made from chicken wings, Mojito salmon, turkey tetrazzini, And herb-encrusted calamari rings. Basmati couscous topped with gorgonzola, Greek yogurt and a mango-flavored brie Washed down with nature’s best organic cola Or oatmeal stout, low-carb and gluten-free! Asparagus risotto, coq au vin, White hummus with a subtle [...]

Brand-Name Rhymes: A Collection

1. Crocker Shocker! To bakers, Betty Crocker Is the sweetheart of the nation, But among her friends and neighbors She’s acquired a reputation! Any loser with a logo Gets a piece of Betty’s pie, From the buff and beefy Brawny To the Quaker Oatmeal guy! She’s dallied in the valley With a giant dude who’s [...]

A Diet to Die For

I listened to my body, as the nature types advise. My body screamed for Pringles, Easy Cheese and curly fries. Creamy, rich alfredo sauce on Stouffer’s fettuccine, Spam and Rice-A-Roni, Dinty Moore and Beanie Weenie! Taco Bell Chalupas, triple Whoppers and McRib, The Colonel’s Extra Crispy with a jumbo Mr. Pibb! Twinkies, Ho-Ho’s, Ding-Dongs, Yodels, [...]

Cap’n Courageous

Bold sailors were we on a two percent sea, A right jolly and nautical bunch. The first mate was Willie, the bosun was Billy, Our captain Horatio M. Crunch. We’d lend him our ears and he’d scuttle our fears When conditions were stormy or foggy. “If the Guppy should sink, you’ll be dunked in the [...]

Dairy Disgust

I would not eat it in a cone. I would not eat it on its own. I would not eat it in a shake. I would not eat it with a cake. I would not eat it, not a bit, In sundae or banana split. I would not, could not eat it up With two [...]