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Category Archives: Food and Drink

Enough Already!

Syria’s burning. There’s strife in Ukraine. Iraq is a mess. California needs rain. There’s racism coupled with riots and arson. Republicans might even nominate Carson! The stock market threatens to go belly up, And the whole freaking nation’s obsessed with a cup!

Disturbing Dump

October is on us. The banshees are howling. The werewolves are loose and the zombies are prowling. And yet the great horror of this Halloween Is the Whopper that renders your excrement green! It’s the stuff of your nightmares, but nonetheless true That Burger King’s putting the “Boo!” in your poo. Was a scientist ever [...]

Liquid Lit

The Book Club members gather and refreshments start to flow. They serve a fruity Chardonnay, a Riesling and Merlot. They compare their Francis Coppola with cheaper Two Buck Chuck. They reminisce on younger days when people drank Cold Duck. Of course I can’t be certain, but to judge from how it looks, if they changed [...]

The Thinking Man’s Drink

There was scintillating brilliance in the era of Voltaire. The spark of the Enlightenment was somehow in the air. The philosophes would gather in a neighborhood café, Where they’d then proceed to jack their brains on fifty cups a day! They were scientists and thinkers, intellectual machines! And they owed it to the potion from [...]

Whole Grain Badness

I’ve tried my best to eat for health, but now I’ve paid the price. According to the latest news, there’s arsenic in rice! I’ve kept my fiber intake high, I have since I was ten. And only to be murdered by the likes of Uncle Ben! From here on out, I’ll live on fries and [...]

Black Market

Bloomberg’s brought back prohibition! Jumbo drinks are now taboo! Crooks and mugs are on a mission, Brewing bathtub Mountain Dew! Need some hefty Coca-Colas? Mr. Pibb, the drink of sin? Go out back to Joe Carolla’s. Knock three times, he’ll let you in. Sunkist sells like liquid crack. There’s Sprite for those who’ve got the [...]

Death By Sugar

The nation’s growing more obese, As scientists and doctors warn. They’ve notified the health police Of Oreos with candy corn! Their color’s got a neon glow. They’re packed with sugar by the ton. Their fiber content’s extra low, And no one ever eats just one! The CDC is quite alarmed. They’ve issued warnings all must [...]

Better Living Through Genetics!

Whenever I eat cheesy fries Or nacho chips or Cheerios, A little voice inside me cries, “You know you’re eating GMOs!” My sandwich bread makes herbicide. My coffee keeps the bugs away. My peanut butter’s modified With pterodactyl DNA! My cantaloupes have turtle feet, My meats and veggies recombine. They say we all are what [...]

One Chick, One Dude

We’re a family operation, And our mission’s very broad. We do more than peddle chicken, We enforce the will of God! We’re the guardians of righteousness, So here at Chick-fil-A, We approve of love and marriage, But condemn it if it’s gay! The law is in Leviticus, Right there in white and black. (There are [...]

Gotta Have It!

I’m eating again at Los Pollos Hermanos. The chicken’s like nothing I’ve tasted before! So spicy and tender, I go on a bender And down a whole bucket, but still I want more! When I first took a taste, it was instant obsession, A powerful habit I just never shook. My insatiable cravings now lead [...]