When I’m inclined to be alone,
Completely solo, on my own,
Sans wife or colleague, friend or boss,
I eat sardines with mustard sauce.
I pop the can; its thick perfume
In nanoseconds clears the room.
It renders many ill and cross
To smell sardines with mustard sauce!
Though others may retreat in haste,
I’m happy I’ve acquired the taste.
If you can’t take it, [...]
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Michael Egan was a vegan.
Always ate organic greens,
Hand-picked oats and barley groats
In no way processed by machines.
Michael was a junk-food-hater.
Healthy living was his cause.
Never saw that speeding freighter
Hauling tons of Häagen-Dazs.
Tell us, Little Caesar,
For we’re keen to hear it all.
Did you war with Little Pompey?
Did you conquer Little Gaul?
In Little Alexandria,
Were orgies hot and sweet,
And was Little Cleopatra
What you’d call a three-meat treat?
We’ve searched the ancient annals,
But the answers still elude us.
Were you murdered in the Senate
By your buddy Little Brutus?
Did you unify an empire
Of [...]
A quick, easy treat for the summery weather:
Mix flour and sugar and butter together,
Then add in a couple of eggs, slightly beaten,
A dash of vanilla to flavor and sweeten
Plus soda for making the batter less heavy.
Then bake in the back of a ‘69 Chevy.
At José’s Taquería I had some frijoles,
Some chips with both spicy and mild guacamoles
Plus tacos, burritos, and chili con queso.
(I ended up feeling muy lleno de eso!)
I downed a few flautas with yellow tortillas,
Tamales, gorditas, and fresh sopapillas,
A crispy tostada, a big enchilada.
From now till December, I think I’ll eat nada!
There’s mouse crap in the hot dog stand
And maybe in the relish.
Who knows what’s in the mustard,
But it’s likely something hellish!
The bratwurst smells peculiar,
But I’m not a fussy fella.
A ball game’s not a ball game
Without some salmonella!
I know a little bakery
That makes erotic cakery.
The icing is enticing
With its silky-soft appeal.
No pastry lover ever shuns
Their sweet and supple sticky buns.
One nibble on their cupcakes
Has you gasping, “Those are real!”
Their chocolate balls are quite a kick.
They’re oh-so-smooth and extra-thick.
And if you’re nice, they’ll let you lick
The beaters now and then.
The owner takes enormous [...]
A skinny, scrawny alien,
A wiry little wisp,
Came bearing peace and cereal.
His name, of course, was Quisp.
He brought us healthful vitamins
From A on down through D,
And his added shot of sugar
Gave us Quazy Energy!
It was shaped like flying saucers,
Not some dull and boring flake.
(Though it’s possible some dweeb or nerd
Preferred his rival Quake!)
Now he’s largely left [...]
The logo for Seattle’s Best
Had richness, bite, a touch of zest.
But recently it’s been revised
And thoroughly homogenized.
It once was bold as pure espresso.
The new design is clearly less so!
Whoever made the change, I’ll bet
They hadn’t had their java yet!
Some think that there should be a law
That foods must be organic, raw,
And free from sugar, salt and gluten.
(The fig’s okay, but hold the Newton!)
They’d outlaw brands like Heinz and Pace
And any food that had a face.
But while it’s still no misdemeanor,
I’ll just enjoy this cheese-filled wiener!