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Category Archives: religion

Cursed Cups

There are Scrooges making Cratchits sing the bleak December blues. There are Grinches stealing Christmas from the unsuspecting Whos. There are nasty Mr. Potters out to bleed the paupers dry, And now it’s evil Starbucks making baby Jesus cry! They’ve simplified their Christmas cups to basic red and green, Though the Bible tells us Jesus [...]

Decadent Me

If I were in power, I’m sure I’d abuse it. When given a chance at debasement, I’d choose it. I’d party with strippers and maybe a chimp. I’d make old Caligula look like a wimp! There’d always be orgies outside in my grotto, And “Born to be freaky” would serve as my motto! What booze [...]

The Newer Testament

An intriguing new papyrus from a text on Jesus’ life suggests the possibility he may have had a wife. Perhaps she even pestered him when low on loaves and fishes. “Turn that wine back into water,” she would say, “and do the dishes!” Though a carpenter, his home repairs would linger on and on. If [...]

Stranger in a Strange Land

The godless spouse on Rosh Hashanah Sits in shul, demure and meek. Rises with the congregation. Reads the words, but doesn’t speak. Fixes his unruly kippah, Thinking, “Is it getting hot?” Here’s the part where all are singing. Should he daven? Maybe not. Makes it through the lengthy sermon, Dozing only once or twice. Counts [...]

A New Leaf

Today I turn a corner And devote my life to sin, To revelry, impiety, And pleasures of the skin. In drunkenness I’ll fornicate, I’ll cheat and swear and lie. I’ll tell the kinds of jokes that make The baby Jesus cry! I’ll reenact “Caligula” Or works by Robert Crumb. And I’ll always be prepared for [...]

Betting Man

Pascal was quite the wagerer. From Monaco to Reno He was known at every racetrack, Every fly-by-night casino. He would make the wildest poker bets The world had ever seen. He would take a hit at blackjack When his cards showed seventeen! When he lost his shirt at baccarat, He didn’t take it hard, But [...]

Come On, Show Us Some Hate!

Alas for the faithful of Westboro Church, Neglected, abandoned and left in the lurch! Like a pirate or highwayman greedy for plunder, That Florida pastor has stolen their thunder. For all of their twisted religous toxicity, They burn a Koran and get zero publicity! The cry has gone up at their latest convention, “Won’t someone [...]

Up in Smoke

In a rare act of sanity, God-Fearing Man Announces he’s not going to burn the Koran. It’s a righteous decision.  We hope that it sticks. But what will the media do for their kicks?

Cruising for a Big Bang

Dr. Hawking, Dr. Hawking, Your remarks are truly shocking! A creator wasn’t needed For the universe, you say. Those entities you’re knocking Don’t take kindly to your mocking. There’ll be coal inside your stocking On this coming Christmas Day! Dr. Hawking, Dr. Hawking, Hear those theologians squawking! They’re exclaiming, “Gosh!” and “Darn it!” (Which is [...]