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They’ve discovered the Ark on the mountain! It’s every believer’s great hope! The evidence can’t be disputed. You see how there’s wood and some rope? There were animals packed in the cabin. You can tell by the remnants of wool. And if that doesn’t make it conclusive, There’s the lingering smell from the bull!

Good Sheetrock

LSD and marijuana Never made me kiss the sky. Who needs coke or belladonna? Chinese drywall gets me high! Just a single inhalation Throws my senses out of whack. Is it mere hallucination That my pipes have all turned black?

The Daily Rhyme is Currently on Hiatus.

After a mere five months and 150 posts, it’s time to take a break from The Daily Rhyme.  I’m taking on an exciting new writing project which will unfortunately leave me no time for daily updates.  I may post a new verse now and then as inspiration strikes, but over the next few months The [...]

Don’t Worry, Be Tacky

We bought it several years ago When irony was chic. And now it’s got a “retro” vibe. It’s practically antique. It lends the place a touch of class, Our vintage Big Mouth Billy Bass.    

Total Exhaustion

Forgive the tiny rhyme today.   Last night my brain was dead. I needed half a Red Bull    just to drag my ass to bed!  

Picture Imperfect

I think that Currier and Ives Led very tame and sheltered lives. In every cheerful winter scene The sky is bright, the snow pristine. You see no gray and grimy slush, No sleet to slow the evening rush, No nasty skidding episodes, No KIAs stranded off the roads. You just see brisk but sunny days [...]

Under the Leather

A burly biker known as Bear Was fond of women’s underwear. He wasn’t gay or even curious. (The mere suggestion made him furious!) He simply found that silk and lace Gave comfort in his special place. He liked the way a bra caressed His over-plump yet manly chest. On weekends, when the gang would ride, [...]

Buy My Book!

My holiday gift book Christmas Unwrapped has been published by Andrews McMeel and is available through their web site or Amazon! The publisher says: “This hilarious collection contains 47 original poems including ‘Battle in the Burbs,’ ‘Ad Nauseam,’ and ‘Maim That Tune’ alongside playful seasonal imagery.  Emmons’ work is guaranteed to ignite the spirit of Christmas, [...]

Solution for Large Hecticness of Today

Much conflicting schedule now. Overbook a mess. Every busy all at once. Lead to super stress. Too much businesses I have. Many lacks of time. Make decision corners cut. Today I outsource rhyme!  

Bleeding Economic Indicators

The GDP is shrinking. The market’s in the tank. The warning lights are blinking At every major bank. Recession’s looming larger. The signs are quite prodigious. Our money says, “In God We Trust.” But me, I’m not religious.