You can’t say “sp*rm” in iBooks
(The word’s just gross and sick!)
Though Apple may supply books
With names like Moby D**k!
We’re left with dull and dry books,
Which I regard with scorn.
And so I say goodbye, books,
The Internet’s for porn!
I once could trust my car
To the man who wore the star,
And I never worried much about emissions.
Then a tad more level-headed,
I began to buy unleaded,
For the experts said it might improve conditions.
But I still gas up my mower.
I’m not driving any slower.
I’m addicted like a junkie to the drill!
So I had to trust the [...]
They’ve discovered the Ark on the mountain!
It’s every believer’s great hope!
The evidence can’t be disputed.
You see how there’s wood and some rope?
There were animals packed in the cabin.
You can tell by the remnants of wool.
And if that doesn’t make it conclusive,
There’s the lingering smell from the bull!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
LSD and marijuana
Never made me kiss the sky.
Who needs coke or belladonna?
Chinese drywall gets me high!
Just a single inhalation
Throws my senses out of whack.
Is it mere hallucination
That my pipes have all turned black?
After a mere five months and 150 posts, it’s time to take a break from The Daily Rhyme. I’m taking on an exciting new writing project which will unfortunately leave me no time for daily updates. I may post a new verse now and then as inspiration strikes, but over the next few months The [...]
We bought it several years ago
When irony was chic.
And now it’s got a “retro” vibe.
It’s practically antique.
It lends the place a touch of class,
Our vintage Big Mouth Billy Bass.
Forgive the tiny rhyme today.
Last night my brain was dead.
I needed half a Red Bull
just to drag my ass to bed!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
I think that Currier and Ives
Led very tame and sheltered lives.
In every cheerful winter scene
The sky is bright, the snow pristine.
You see no gray and grimy slush,
No sleet to slow the evening rush,
No nasty skidding episodes,
No KIAs stranded off the roads.
You just see brisk but sunny days
Complete with one-horse open sleighs.
In answer to those pretty [...]
A burly biker known as Bear
Was fond of women’s underwear.
He wasn’t gay or even curious.
(The mere suggestion made him furious!)
He simply found that silk and lace
Gave comfort in his special place.
He liked the way a bra caressed
His over-plump yet manly chest.
On weekends, when the gang would ride,
Though most would take it all in stride,
A few [...]
Sunday, November 16, 2008
My holiday gift book Christmas Unwrapped has been published by Andrews McMeel and is available through their web site or Amazon!
The publisher says:
“This hilarious collection contains 47 original poems including ‘Battle in the Burbs,’ ‘Ad Nauseam,’ and ‘Maim That Tune’ alongside playful seasonal imagery. Emmons’ work is guaranteed to ignite the spirit of Christmas, or at [...]