Skip to content

Decadent Me

If I were in power, I’m sure I’d abuse it.
When given a chance at debasement, I’d choose it.
I’d party with strippers and maybe a chimp.
I’d make old Caligula look like a wimp!
There’d always be orgies outside in my grotto,
And “Born to be freaky” would serve as my motto!
What booze I would guzzle! What bodies I’d grope!
And that’s why I’ll probably never be pope.

 

PSYcle of Fame

When your song’s the new sensation
And your video’s gone viral,
When you’ve rocketed to global fame,
Beware the downward spiral!
If you think the praise and accolades
Will last for quite a while,
Your forgotten past will soon come back
To screw you, Gangnam style!

Now perhaps you spoke in anger
Or you’d had too much to drink,
You were stressed beyond your limit
Or you simply didn’t think!
But you sang along with lyrics
That were shocking, rude and vile,
Which is truly unforgivable.
You messed up, Gangnam style!

Though you try to say you’re sorry
And admit that you were wrong,
Your career is quickly blowing up
Just like a Taepodong!
When you shout, “Hey, sexy lady,”
You don’t even get a smile.
It was just a foolish moment,
But you’re buggered, Gangnam style!

 

Prophet Motive

O great Mr. Silver! O marvelous Nate!
Infallible wizard of FiveThirtyEight!
You blew all our minds with the stats you were droppin’
And left the Republicans wailing, “Wha’ happen?”
But honestly, now that you’re on such a roll,
Why stop at some boring political poll?
I’m dying to hear your oracular views
On pork belly futures. Now that I can use!
Let’s take an excursion to Vegas or Reno.
We’ll clean up at baccarat, blackjack and keno.
Or hell, since I’m certain you’re up to the task,
The Powerball numbers are all that I ask!
Then we’ll move to Tahiti with riches untold.
There’s just no denying it. Silver, you’re gold!

 

Change of Plans

This goes out to that small but faithful posse of readers who regularly follow The Daily Rhyme. For the last few months I’ve committed to posting a new rhyme every day. I can say with no reservations that it’s been a blast. Of course the quality has varied from day to day, but there have been enough “hits” to keep me energized. Still, as much as I love cranking out doggerel, I’ve had to face the fact that the daily schedule leaves me too little time for another writing project that I want to complete. I’ve come to a final decision that The Daily Rhyme will be “daily” in name only. From now on I’ll post once a week, with additional posts when random inspiration strikes.

Big thanks to all those who have left comments, corrections, criticisms, etc. And to those who just come by to see the latest. I know you’re out there, I’ve seen the stats!

-Scott

 

Willard of Oz

Mr. Romney took a journey
on the road of yellow brick.
He said to Oz the Powerful,
“I need a favor, quick!
As a seasoned politician,
I can do the song and dance,
but the voters never trust me,
’cause I haven’t got a stance!

“I’ve flipped and flopped on health care.
Global warming! Gun control!
When it comes to regulation, well,
I shift with every poll!
I’m not a Roe supporter,
but believe me, O great Oz,
There are binders full of women
who remember when I was!

“Now I’ve got my share of courage,
and I’ve even got a brain.
I never had a heart, but hey,
that served me well at Bain!
But I’m missing something critical,
and you’re my only chance.
I could clinch this whole election
if I only had a stance!”

 

Zeno’s Excuse

To make my way to gym from chair,
I first must travel halfway there.
If chair is A and gym is C,
I’ll have to get halfway to B!
The stages then become so small,
I logically can’t move at all.
So here I sit, in shorts and socks.
By Zeus, I love a paradox!

 

Weekend Plans

On Saturday, I told myself,
I’d have a little time.
I’d rid my house of clutter
and my bathroom sink of slime.
I’d make that run to Costco
for the Q-Tips I’ve been needing.
I’d write my magnum opus,
or at least I’d do some reading.
I’d return the books and videos
I borrowed back in June.
And it’s likely I’d have done it
if I hadn’t slept till noon.

 

Odd Couple

In Sandy’s destruction, Obama and Christie
Share tender embraces. Their eyes have gone misty.
The chemistry’s stronger than brother with brother.
You know that they’re giddily texting each other!
There’s bliss in the air, there’s a bromance in bloom.
Obama and Christie, my God, get a room!

 

44 Words on National Novel Writing Month

Now’s the time for NANOWRIMO,
Loved by fellow writing nerds.
Friends are dashing off their chapters,
Counting up their daily words.
Raw production, that’s their credo.
Damn the structure! Damn the plot!
In a month, voilá! It’s finished!
Am I tempted? No, I’m not.

 

Halloween Limerick No. 7

A beastly old fellow named Hume,
Taken ill, was confined to his room.
As he lay on his back,
He said, “Doc, you’re a quack!
It’s not what I’ve eaten, but whom!”